Flat Basset

Caffeine & Obscenities #10

2011-06-20T22:52:00.003-04:00

Alright, everybody, here's C&O #10. As I mentioned earlier, I've started blogging over on the Tumblr website. I changed the title from the post below. It can now be found by following this Caffeine & Obscenities link.

Please check it out. It's basically all of the stuff that's on this blog, plus even more trivial shit. Because, y'know, there's not enough trivial shit on this blog.

File Under: Oh, The Pain In My Legs...

Posted below is the new Joe Mauer/Gatorade ad for Gatorade’s “G-Series” line of drinks.

First of all, the idea of the “G-Series” line of drinks reeks of marketing at it’s absolute worst. Even if the different “formulas” (yes, quotes, I’m sure they’re all the same shit in different bottles) actually helped with the different stages of performance, it would only apply to world class athletes.

13 year old basketball playing kids & 40 year old, beer-bellied softball players do not need three different Gatorades to get through their games. I mean, this is obviously just a ploy to sell three bottles of Gatorade instead of one.

On to the really frustrating part of this commercial, namely, Bro Mauer.

This is a dude who missed two months of the season with what the team described as “leg weakness.” Leg weakness! He just joined the team over the past weekend after extended spring training down in Florida. During this time second basement Tsuyoshi Nishioka broke his leg and made it back into the lineup. Broke his leg! And yet, here’s Joe with the Gatorade ad.

(Marketing sidenote: The ad didn’t debut until Mauer made it back to the lineup. How long do you think the advertising team at Gatorade sat on this commercial? How many meetings do you think they held where the boss asked if the Mauer commercial was a go and some lackey had to say, “Not yet, sir. He’s still rehabbing his “leg weakness?” Followed by the advertising exec calling Mauer a fucking pussy for 10 minutes before moving on? I’m setting the over under at a dozen.)

So what if we had an accurate version of Joe’s “Before/During/After” routine? Here’s how I would imagine it goes:

BEFORE: We see Mauer easing his way out of bed. Taking a cautious couple of steps as he works his way over to the fridge to grab his morning dose of “G-Series.” Exhausted, he shuts the fridge, slumps down against the door, and starts sipping his Gatorade as he gets to the floor.

DURING: We watch Mauer as he sips his second “G-Series” of the day and then meanders onto the on-deck circle to pinch-hit for Drew Butera in the bottom of the 7th with a man on first. He valiantly makes it 3/8 of the way down the first baseline as the Kansas City Royals turn and inning-ending double play.

AFTER: Mauer, finishing his third “G-Series” of the day, is eased gingerly into the clubhouse whirlpool by Nishioka. Once Mauer’s settled into the pool, Nishioka picks up his crutches and ambles back into the clubhouse. A clubhouse attendant then comes by the pool and drops off Mauer’s paycheck for the weeks, roughly $900,000.

Scene.

File Under: Facebook Status Of The Week That Made Me Want To Kill Myself

“I just walked past Dessa on the street!!! If only she knew how hard I resisted to not act like the biggest fan that I am…”

File Under: Tweet Of The Week That Reminded Me Life's Worth Living

"PBR and a cheeseburger for breakfast? Yeah, that's happening." -@Phileeeeeeep

File Under: Video Of The Week

I put this one on the new blog because it's basically the greatest music video ever made. It seemed appropriate that it be the first video I put up.

Mom, even you should watch this one.

Alright, that's it for this post. I haven't posted anything on the Stanley Cup/MN Wild in a minute because I'm gonna start a Tumblr strictly for my ill-informed and poorly thought out hockey commentary. As soon as I can think up a clever title it's all over.

Later.

It's Not Where You're From, Not Where You're At, It's Where You're Going...

2011-06-15T04:55:00.002-04:00

And I am going to Tumblr...

If you didn't notice, last week, Google tried to vaporize me. My blog disappeared & I couldn't log into my Gmail account. I've since corrected these problems and, while I have nothing against Google, I've decided that it's time to move on to a new blog host.

You can now find FlatBasset at Tumblr. http://flatbasset.tumblr.com to be exact.

I'm hoping that this Tumblr account will morw accurately toe the line between my poorly thought out Tweets (@TCDroogs) and my semi-more thought out blog posts.

Flatbasset-June '11

2011-06-02T01:26:00.002-04:00

Look at this! A playlist on time! This is gonna be the best summer on record, and, to paraphrase Los Campesinos!, it starts with a mixx...

Flatbasset-June '11

Download it or I'm unfriending you (and I ain't talkin' 'bout no Facebook!).

Caffeine & Obscenities #9

2011-06-02T00:58:00.003-04:00

Happy June, everybody! Summer seems to be pretty much here and what better way to celebrate than with the most caffeinated & obscenity-laden C & O yet. This one is going to pretty hockey-centric because it’s that time of year and I haven’t really written about it much this season. Also, my girl problems, while certainly persistent, haven’t been particularly entertaining or funny. Believe me, it they were I would have written this much sooner. I’ll try to break up the hockey stuff with non-hockey stuff, but I’m not making any promises. You get what you pay for.

Alright, here we go, #9.

File Under: Something Wrong, I Hold My Head…

As I’m sure even those of you who aren’t hockey fans probably heard, a couple weeks ago former Minnesota Wild & New York Rangers enforcer Derek Boogaard died from an accidental, toxic mix of painkillers & alcohol at the age of 28. A sad, sad day for those of us who were fans.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with “The Boogey Man” and his role, let me brief you. Derek was a 6’7”, 265 lb. winger who was one of the most feared enforcers in the league. As an enforcer, it’s your job to do a lot of the dirty work, protect your teammates and, frankly, get into a lot of fights. During his time in the league, Boogaard was arguably better at this role than anybody else in the league.

Now, as a devoted Wild fan, I devour every article about the club that I can. During Boogaard’s time here, every article I read referred to him as a “gentle giant.” On the ice, he was one of the most feared players in the game, but off the ice he was known to found at coffee shops sporting designer glasses, reading novels. When he wasn’t there, he could be found at downtown MPLS bars covering tabs and taking pictures with fans. If you want a better picture from a more talented writer, read the first 3^rd of this ESPN: Outside The Lines column written last week.

When I heard that Boogaard had passed, my friend Mikey & I were sitting at Rudolph’s after work and Mike caught the news on his phone. When he told me it felt like a blow to the stomach (more on this below). The only available detail at the time was that he was found dead in his MPLS apartment.

Wait a minute? Did you say MPLS? He plays for the Rangers now. He hasn’t played in Sota in a year. He’s a millionaire with Manhattan at his disposal. Yet, he chose to come back to Minnesota for the summer!?! The last bit of air in my lungs was punched out of me.

Then I started thinking about it and it made me happy that, if he had to go, he went here. You are all intimately familiar with my adoration of MPLS. If you ask me, it’s by far the greatest city modern man has ever built (Suck it, Paris!). The weather had just started changing and we’d finally gotten those first few days when the city comes back to life. When my time comes, I hope it’s springtime in MPLS.

A few days after his death, a couple of devoted fans came up with the idea of having a memorial service at the Xcel Energy Center for Boogaard that spread like wildfire, leading to several hundred people turning up at the X to celebrate his life. His family and teammates gave moving speeches and, for this fanbase, peace was made.

Many people have written more eloquently about this than I can, so I’ll just leave it at this: Thanks for the memories, Boogey. Hope you enjoyed it all as much as we did.

File Under: Boogaard Gone, Our Nigga Dead!

(Quick Disclaimer: Those two “File Unders” are a Kanye West line that I thought seemed relevant, hence the use of “nigga….” Mom & Dad.)

So once the initial shock of Boogaard’s death wore off, I started wondering to myself why it hurt. I’ve never met Boogaard. I don’t know anybody who has. I don’t know anything about him other than what is presented through the media and what happens on the ice. And yet, it hurt to hear of his death. The term “our” is fitting.

Three things came to mind, none of which totally add up.

First, obviously, it’s always sad when someone goes so young. Part of the reason this was particularly sad was unique to the Boogaard story. Here’s a guy who was never the most talented player on his teams and yet, through a lot of patience and hard work, had gotten to the biggest stage there is. But this doesn’t totally explain it. People my age and younger die all the time in the midst of their struggles and nearly all of them go with a shrug from the general public. It’s sad, sure, but not stomach punch sad.

Second, watching sports (especially on TV) does a funny thing to your perception of people. Technically it’s entertainment, a combination of reality television and a mini-series. It’s obviously not fictional, but watching giant athletes compete against each other gives them a bit of a superhero vibe. The uniforms are basically Superman outfits. I mean, it’s always weird to see players in their regular clothes before and after games. This was all especially true of Boogaard since he was the tallest, strongest, and meanest player on the ice. He WAS a superhero to Wild fans and a supervillain to opposing fans. The realization of his mortality was shocking. And yet, this still doesn’t explain the hurt, only the surprise.

Third, going back to the blog I wrote a couple years ago regarding sports and why they’re relevant (which you can read here. In fact, please read it. It’s one of the few thoughtful, coherent pieces I’ve ever put together), it partially hurts because of the role sports plays in society. Taking the Wild as the conversation piece and putting friends and family around it, it becomes more than just entertainment. It becomes something bigger that brings people together, starts conversations, & gives people a common bond. In a weird way, you end up talking about the athletes like they’re friends. You put words in their mouth, make jokes about them, discuss their habits, etc… Even though you’re well aware that you don’t actually know these people, it seems like you do. The whole thing is a very peculiar trick we play on ourselves. An event like Boogaard’s death, for better or worse, is a painful reminder of just how invested we can become.

Alright, I don’t know if any of that makes sense. I think I’m smart enough to know what I mean, but not talented enough to explain it properly. Hopefully you know what I mean.

File Under: It’s A Part Of My Life That I Will Never Forget

My best friend/brother/life coach Phil came home on leave from the Navy this week. For everyone’s sake, I won’t get into all the details of our week. Let’s just say a lot of fun was had. In fact, last Monday through today is probably the most fun I’ve ever had over a 10 day stretch. I got to see all of my friends and got to write a new chapter in the always interesting Phil & Travis Vs. MPLS story. By the time we finish that story it’s gonna be War & Peace-epic.

Now, living in Uptown I know a lot of people who are vehemently anti-military. Honestly, I’m not here to judge this. Lord knows, I disagree with my fair share of military action. However, I just want to remind those people that the military is made up of people like my friend Phil. He loves MPLS, hip-hop, the CC Club, & the Wild. He’s got a little nephew he never stops talking about and a girlfriend waiting back in WA. This is the kind of people the military is made up of. When things like Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day roll around, remember that. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

File Under: Let The Hater’s Hate, ‘Cause They’re Not Coming To The Party

Another hockey player that a lot of you may be unfamiliar with is New York Rangers forward Sean Avery. He is by far one of the most hated players in the league for his role on the ice as a “pest.” Basically it’s his job to take get underneath an opponents skin and get them off their game. He excels at this. Trust me, everybody hates him. Hell, that blog I wrote about Phil and I attending the Rangers/Caps game back in NYC was fueled by a night of screaming at that jackass as Rangers fans glared at us. Good times all around.

However, I don’t bring him up to talk about hockey. Avery recently took part in a PSA produced by the group New Yorkers For Marriage Equality, a pro-gay marriage group. In the PSA, Avery states his support for gay marriage.

Now, as much as I hate to agree with anything Sean Avery says or does, we’re in agreement on this one. As you probably know (or could have guessed), I’m pro-gay marriage as well. It seems pretty obvious to me, but that’s just me.

Margo Sidenote: I actually joke about being pro-gay marriage because of the ludicrous “slippery slope” idea pushed by people who are anti-gay marriage. They claim that next thing you know, people will be marrying animals. Bingo! When Margo & I get married, you’re all invited. Open bar and all. Reception at the CC Club.

My point, however, is less about gay marriage and more about public decency & tolerance. You see, after Avery’s PSA came out, a couple of other people in the hockey world had the audacity to (gasp!) disagree with him.

NHL agent Todd Reynolds took to Twitter to comment, “Very sad to read Sean Avery’s misguided support of same-gender ‘marriage.’ Legal or not, it will always be wrong.”

Well, after Reynolds tweeted the above statement, he was bombarded by response tweets that were significantly less polite than his, to say the least. Now, I know it’s Twitter and everyone has the right to say anything, but that’s kind of my point. I don’t agree with Reynolds at all, but he’s certainly entitled to his opinion.

This was followed by Rogers SportsNet commentator Damian Goddard stating, “I completely and whole-heartedly support Todd Reynolds and his support for the traditional and TRUE meaning of marriage.”

Sadly, the Damian Goddard side of the story went even further, leading to his firing by RSN. This, my friends, is intolerance and hypocrisy and, frankly, a fucking joke. I mean, 10 or 15 years ago, it would have been the pro-gay marriage commentator who would have been reprimanded. Now it’s the anti-gay marriage commentator. This is exactly the type of intolerance from both sides that keeps this issue spinning its wheels. Grow the fuck up.

File Under: R.I.P. Squawk Box

Well, my trusty sidekick Lil’ Squawk Box finally met its end last week. Let this be a lesson to anyone with an iPod. If the headphone connection gets wonky, don’t try to fix it with a box cutter. You’ve been warned.

So, I know they give those Nano's out like candy these days. If anyone has an extra one lying around the house, you'd be savin' my summer if you let me use it.

File Under: If There’s A God In Heaven…

So the Stanley Cup Finals start today, capping off what has been arguably the most entertaining playoffs in history. Fittingly, we’re left with a climactic battle of Evil vs. Well-Kinda-Less-Evil.

On one side, we have the Boston Bruins. This Bruins team is very likeable, led by every-man goalie Tim Thomas. They’re a team that lacks any true superstar (although Zdeno Chara is close).

However, if they were playing anybody else, I’d be cheering for them to lose mainly because I hate Boston sports fans. For a fanbase that has won an NBA Championship, two World Series, and three Super Bowls in the last 15 years, you people are pretty fucking ungrateful.

Sota Sidenote: Plus, these people are acting like KG is one of the great Celtics ever. I was fine with letting Randy Moss and David Ortiz be yours, but I’m drawing the line here. KG belongs to Sota. Always has, always will. Get stabbed.

Sadly, on the other end of the draw, we’re left with the Vancouver Canucks. Let me break my hatred of the Canucks down.

I am a Minnesota Wild fan. I’m bound by that allegiance and if you’re a Wild fan, there is no one you hate more than this wretched team. For all the paychecks collected by Matt Cooke, Jarko Ruutu, Todd Bertuzzi, Alex Burrows, Ryan Kesler, Mathias Ohlund, & Roberto Luongo from this franchise, they should be on the Hockey Gods’ Shit List forever.

These fans don’t show there passion like regular hockey fans, they do it in a bizarrely, cosmopolitan, “aren’t we clever” kind of way (see: Green Men)

Their logos are a whale and a hockey stick. First of all, it’s only a whale because they used to be owned by Orca Bay. It’s basically corporate advertising masquerading as a logo. Second, a fucking hockey stick? No, you’re not clever.

They play that hideous “Ole! Ole! Ole!” song after goals. You had to co-opt a soccer song for your goal song? Fail

They’re Canadian.

That last one is the one that pains me to say.

As you’ve probably all heard me say in the past, I adore Canada. I love Canadians like they’re brothers. From Minneapolis, if you drive 600 miles north you’ll find much better people than you will driving 600 miles south.

However, Canadians, obviously, have a bit of a “little brother” complex regarding America. Understandably so. We just go way, way harder than them.

Sadly, this complex usually comes out via thinly-veiled xenophobia, especially if it’s a hockey conversation.

You see, hockey is “their game.” According to Canadians, the Stanley Cup is a birthright and “belongs” in Canada. We stupid Americans just don’t appreciate the game or understand it nuances & beauty like Canadians.

As happens every spring, Canadians tend to rally around whichever Canadian team plays deepest into the playoffs, with the goal being to “bring the Cup home.” So now, all of Canada is pulling for these Canucks, despite the fact that they are direct rivals with teams from Edmonton & Calgary. Who would ever want to see their rival win? Isn’t that what “rival” means?

With that being said, Go B’s Go! If you win this one, I’ll let you keep KG.

File Under: Facebook Status That Made Me Want To Kill Myself

“Anyone have room for four girls to stay tonight in new york?”

File Under: Tweet That Reminded Me Life’s Worth Living

From @Phileeeeeeep: “Uptown with a baby? This is going to be like shooting fish in a barrel.”

File Under: Video Of The Week

The Cribs killed this one when I saw them at The Varsity a couple years back. Obviously, we all ate it up.

Alright, good talk. Later.

Flatbasset-Minnebasset

2011-05-22T23:06:00.004-04:00

Hey everybody! It's that time of year again. Time to celebrate the birthday of the greatest state in the union, Minnesota. Here's to 153 years of lakes, loons, ladyslippers, bitter winters, beautiful summers, great music, gorgeous women, and urban wildlife.

For some reason I had it in my head that Sota's birthday was May 23rd. It's not. It's the 11th. Why did I think it was the 23rd? I have no damn idea. Yet, it is time to celebrate with a bunch of homegrown Minnesota music.

A couple quick notes about the mixes:

1. I typed out the song list in the "lyrics" section of the tag. Now you won't have to wait a whole month to figure out what's what.

2. As long as I've been making these Flatbasset mixes they've been about an hour each. This was based on the fact that living and/or working in Red Wing left about an hour commute to MPLS, so this was the time frame that made sense to me.

However, my friend Sarah gave me her Gray Kitten - April '11 mix last month (which you should hope she puts online. It crushes.). It was 10 songs long and it hit me that 10 songs is the perfect number of songs to digest in a mix. So from now on Flatbasset mixes will be 10 songs long regardless of time.

Of course, this being Minnebasset, I got greedy and posted two 10 song mixes. I just couldn't control myself.

If you're new to the mixes, here's how it works. Click the link above and it'll take you to the Megaupload page. You don't have to download any programs and it's all free. Just click the file, wait 45 seconds, then click download now and BLAO! Minnesota music for your walk to work.

Sorry I took all of April off. The blogs were skewing just a bit too personal and I had to remember how to write about other things. I'll be back sooner than later.

Track list time! Click the track name to download the MP3. (Sorry for the lack of pics. Speikerboxxx is being a jerk.)

Minnebasset - Part IV

01. Plagiarists – Wooden Horses

This one is an old Current Song Of The Day from July ’08. It’s one of those songs that I always forget about until it comes up in my daily SOFD rotation (obviously, in July each year). I just love the break between the verse and the chorus. Every July this one kicks around my head for days.

02. Sims – Bad Time Zoo

I don’t need to do much explaining about Sims. Honestly, I could have picked any song from Bad Time Zoo and been comfortable putting it on the mix. When push came to shove I couldn’t resist the line, “This is where we’re livin’ at, live from the Minneap…” (You know I’m a sucker for that stuff. Sue me.)

03. Stnnng – The Incidents Surrounding My Three Deaths

I saw Stnnng open for Song Of Zarathustra a while back at the Triple Rock and came away with a newfound appreciation for them. I’d had this song and a couple others and was never super impressed, but after seeing them live, I kind of “get them,” for lack of a better term. I think I wrote this somewhere else a while back, but they’re like a slightly-less-catchy MPLS version of Les Savy Fav.

04. The Vandalias – Fall Girl

The Vandalias were a cartoon pop-rock band from the 90’s led by a guy named Dan Sarka. As you’re all well aware, I’m a sucker for pop songs and, honestly, this guy does it as well as anybody else. Every song on their albums are jam packed with hooks just like this one. Of course, as with most of the pop-rock stuff I love, Ms. Palmquist turned me on to this one. Thanks, honey.

Sidenote: Ms. Palmquist actually befriended Dan Sarka a few years back (well after The Vandalias had “broken up”) and I ended up meeting him at Stasiu’s one night when we were all catching a show. To this day he is the only person on my iPod who has bought me a beer. Step ya game up, rest of the MPLS music scene. I’m poor and thirsty!

05. Halloween, Alaska – All The Arms Around You

I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to listen to a full Halloween, Alaska album, but it’s nearly impossible. Every song sounds like this one. That’s not necessarily a bad thing (I mean, it is a pretty good song), but it’s just so vanilla.

However, I don’t mean to hate. The reason I put this song on the mix is because when you separate the songs from their album and put them in a new context, it’s easy to have an appreciation for their casual excellence.

06. No Bird Sing – Devil Trombones

No Bird Sing made a big splash last year as the “new big hip-hop act” in MPLS. I like them a lot, but I feel like Kill The Vultures does this type of hip-hop so much better. Just a personal opinion, but it bothers me, as KTV are still criminally underrated.

07. Gayngs – Coercion Van (MK Larada Regrind)

I thought it would be a bit too obvious to end one of the mixes with “Last Prom On Earth,” so I dug around the free Gayngs/Doomtree Affiliyated remix album to find another representative for Gayngs. If you haven’t taken the time to download this album, do yourself a favor and step ya data transfer game up. It’s a perfect album for strolling around the neighborhood at night. I like it just as much as it’s parent album Relayted.

Barfly Sidenote: I’ve actually gotten to know MK Larada a little bit in the last couple years because we’re regulars at the same bar. I was blown away when this “regrind” came out because, talking to him, he doesn’t seem super-interested in making music anymore. A damn shame if he’s tossing off mixes like this in his spare time.

08. The Baseball Project (w/Craig Finn) – Please Don’t Call Them Twinkies

I was torn about this song since the band (Peter Buck, Scott McCaughey, Steve Wynn, & Linda Pitmon) are not from Minnesota and guest-slurrer Craig Finn has pretty much abandoned every fiber of Sota except for the Twins and the settings for his songs.

Really though, how could a song that is so passionate & knowledgeable about the Twins not make the Minnebasset Mix? I mean, last year when the Twins opened Target Field, I sat at the CC Club and actually did raise toasts to Tom Kelly & Kirby Puckett. If you’re not a Twins fan, you’ll just have to believe me, Finn sums up history & the nature of the fans beautifully (notice he doesn’t demand people not “call them Twinkies,” he asks, “please don’t call them Twinkies.” Minnesota nice through & through).

09. Unknown Prophets (w/Slug) – Never

Big thanks to Phil for giving me this song years ago. Slug & Unknown Prophet’s MC Big Jess have since had some kind of stupid feud that centered around, of all things, family values. Minnesota hip-hop is a weird scene. Always nice to hear Slug from back in the day sounding like he still had something to prove.

10. Icollide – Twin Cities Scene Distortion

It seemed appropriate to end the first half of the mix with a blast of good old epic MPLS punk rock.

Minnebasset - Part V

01. Revolver Modéle – Silhouettes

I bought Revolver Modéle’s Revolver EP on a whim a couple years ago while poking around Cheapo’s local section. The other two songs on the EP don’t amount to much, but I’ve been a fan of this one for a while. It has kind of this dark Replacements-meets-Bauhaus kind of vibe that seems to be pretty unique to the Twin Cities scene. A lot of bands could learn an important lesson from this song: If you don’t have a great song, play up the guitars & energy and downplay the arty bullshit. Speaking as a fan, it’s really getting old.

02. Aphrill – Schoolyard Bullies

This song and the next one are songs that I picked up off a couple of Twin Town High compilations over the years. To be honest, I know absolutely nothing about Aphrill. I think they’re vaguely related to the Big Quarters family somehow, but I may be wrong about that. I do like its message of positive practicality.

03. Kitty Vermont – Dark Side Of The Sea With You

I know even less about Kitty Vermont. I just remember hearing this one and thinking it was a Magnetic Fields song that somehow got left off the 69 Love Songs album. And I mean that as a compliment.

04. Aby Wolf – What U Waitin’ 4?

Much like the Plagiarists’ song that opened the first half of the mix, this is one of those Current songs that I always forget about until it comes up in my SOFD playlist (each August for this one). I love it’s sneaky good melody. If you listened to this mix more than once, I know you found yourself walking around with that, “Never been a better time than right now…” bit kicking around your head.

I’ve seen Aby Wolf perform in two different capacities, first as a folkie at the 331 Club and then again performing with her friend Dessa at various Doomtree functions. She pulled of both of these styles swimmingly. You know I love Dessa (and I don’t say this to hate on her), but Dessa has a very bold style that has served her well and basically turned her into the defining female voice of MPLS. Listen to “What U Waitin’ 4?” again. It’s so brilliantly understated! I’m not at all sure that, as talented as she is, Dessa could pull off a song like this.

05. Middlepicker – Last Of The True Detectives

I’m not even sure why I like Middlepicker so much. Just good old dirty, catchy punk rock.

06. Mictlan – Megablast

You know that line from Doomtree’s “Slow Burn” when Mictlan starts his verse with, “Put ‘em up, Megablast!, a classic burner…?” Well, this is that classic burner. I love this song (and most of the songs from False Hopes 8 because they show just how interesting an MC Mictlan is. To be completely honest, the beats on this album suck. Like, really suck. You don’t really have any choice but to focus on Mike’s lyrics and hearing the way his brain goes from A to B to C without missing a beat is remarkable. Obviously, once he was teamed with Lazerbeak’s beats for Hand Over Fist, he released a classic. I’m excited to hear what he does next.

07. Dada Trash Collage – Paint On The Windows

The first time I heard this song I was put off by the fact that it just sounds so stereotypically “2011 Indie Rock”-ish. Kind of shambling, weird backing vocals, sudden piano breaks. Basically Win Butler jerking off to a Broken Social Scene album. However, as part of my Current SOTD rotation, I listened to it every morning for a week and once the hooks started appearing from the ether, I became a fan. Ya see, this is why I’m devoted to that rotation.

08. The Honeydogs – Fiber Optic Paramour

One of my favorite things about The Current’s SOTD podcast is that I’m constantly exposed to things I’ve never heard before. I remember the day that I downloaded this one from The Current and being simultaneously excited/disappointed to see “The Honeydogs” come up when I clicked the download.

It’s not that I don’t like The Honeydogs. Quite the opposite. They’re known for a being a consistently good pop band, but never a great one. They’re almost like MPLS’s version of The Lemonheads. Basically, I figured I knew what I was getting into.

Well, once it only took me a couple of listens to become enamored with this song. It certainly has the hooks to back up their reputation, but the new wrinkles of the background loops (especially the horn that turns up after the chorus) showed me that The Honeydogs were a much more creative group than I previously gave them credit for.

09. Marijuana Deathsquads – John Cage Match

Bizarrely, MDS has become the hot new band in MPLS. I mean, if I had told you that a hardcore band was going to morph into massive band with members coming and going show after show, a wall of noise from guitars & keyboards, intensely tribal percussion, an essentially lyricless, wailing lead singer, and no hooks to be found, would you have believed me? Well, that happened. R.I.P. Building Better Bombs.

If you haven’t seen them live, I suggest you put that high on your “Summer Goals” list. This song hardly does them justice. They are a wrecking ball.

10. Eyedea – Here For You

What can I even write about this song? Everything you could ever want to know about Eyedea is wrapped up in these now-heartbreaking 7 minutes. Miss ya, buddy.

I'm Just Tryin' To Put It Down for My Hometown...

2011-03-29T23:07:00.007-04:00

If you’ve been reading FlatBasset for a while you know that I’m a big, big fan of listing and ranking things. This is especially true in regards to music. This is why I’m such a big Last.FM fan. That’s pretty much all it is.

Well, to celebrate the upcoming release of Atmosphere’s new album The Family Sign (April 12^th) I thought I’d have a go at counting down my 20 favorite Atmosphere songs.

Now, I know that a lot of people in MPLS take pleasure in lashing out at Atmosphere. I guess I don’t really understand why this is. I mean, if you don’t like the records, that’s fine. However, people seem to take shots at them simply for being successful. It seems to me that they’ve managed to become incredibly successful on their own terms. Admittedly, I don’t know all the details, but if someone was pulling strings behind the scenes, they didn’t do a very good job. Seems to be Atmosphere could be a lot bigger if they had they played the game by the mainstream’s rules.

The first link below is to all of the songs in one giant mp3, so if you’re not overly-familiar with Atmosphere, just download this and let it play. Each of the songs also has its own mp3 link. Just click the link, type the letter/number combo. Wait 45 seconds and click download.

Flatbasset - The Best Of Atmosphere

First, 10 who missed the cut:

20. Onemosphere

19. Dreamer

18. One Of A Kind

17. Like Today

16. Yesterday

15. Tears For The Sheep

14. Reflections

13. You

12. Watch Out

11. Shhh…

10. Get Fly (You Can’t Imagine How Much Fun We’re Having)

Since they’re constantly pushing the notion that Atmosphere is an “emo-rap” outfit, songs like “Get Fly” are conveniently forgotten by most critics. This is really a shame as, when Slug’s feeling positive, he’s capable of putting together a hell of a song.

If you’ve been listening to the mix so far, you’ve probably noticed that Atmosphere is usually at their best when Ant is constructing beats from piano loops. This is a recurring theme. This song probably stands as the best Atmosphere song to blast with the windows down on 94.

Key Lyric: “Take off the mask, let it all collapse, empty the pack and watch your wings grow back…”

09. Sunshine (Sad Clown Bad Summer)

Admittedly, I’m partial to this song because I live in Uptown. As I’m likely to say roughly a thousand times between March and May, there is not better place on Earth than the south side of Minneapolis in the spring. The narrative of the story finds Slug coping with a hangover to stepping out into the sunshine of a MPLS summer to enjoying the simple things in life (a bike, a barbecue, women in sundresses, the restorative power of nature).

Sidenote: Sad Clown Bad Summer was one of the EP’s that came out between YCIHMFWH and When Life Gives You Lemons. Obviously, Slug’s style went from telling his story to telling other people’s stories on those two albums. A song like “Sunshine” is almost like a test run for changing the narrative style. It’s still his story, but you can see him trying to pull other characters into the picture.

I love the way Ant’s beat kinda wobbles off key, making it sound like this song could’ve come from a 60 year old slab of vinyl. Songs like this are timeless.

Key Lyric: “Ain’t nothin’ like the sound of the leaves when the breeze penetrates these South Side trees…”

08. In Her Music Box (When Life Gives You Lemons…)

I forget where I read it (Pitchfork? Gimme Noise?), but I remember somebody wrote that this song was the first Atmosphere song that sounds like it could have Mary J. Blige singing the hook. That’s maybe the worst idea ever, but I can see the writer’s point.

The story of a young daughter riding around in the back of her dad’s car as he’s, “weaving down Lake Street,” singing along to the radio and eating fast food is, again, far from the “emo-rap” tag that’s dogged Atmosphere. You can see that Slug still loves to rap about himself, but the storytelling that developed over the years leading up to WLGYL have taught him how to tell a story about himself through someone else’s eyes (in this case, a daughter’s).

Ant’s beat is a thing of beauty. Obviously, it manages to incorporate the sound of the titular music box, but also has just enough low end that it sounds like it could be coming out of a car cruising around Uptown. I’m sure it’s not easy to craft a beat that straddles the line between youthful innocence and adult cynicism. What’s really amazing, in this regard, is the way that Slug’s lyrics absolutely wouldn’t work without this beat and vice versa. The flute solo that closes out the song is the perfect coda.

Key Lyric: “She sings along like dad does, she knows all the words but she leaves out the bad ones, except ‘bitch,’she always says ‘bitch’ because it makes her daddy laugh, it’s her magic trick…”

07. Modern Man’s Hustle (God Loves Ugly)

The appeal of this song owes a lot to the sequencing of its parent album. For 14 tracks across God Loves Ugly Slug is mercilessly negative, lashing out at women, other rappers, & himself with equal vitriol. The opening of this song (“The first time I met the devil was at a Motel 6…”) implies that we’re in for more of the same. When that pseudo-verse suddenly vanishes into Ant’s laid back beat, it’s like a ray of sunshine cutting through a day of grey clouds.

Is it just me or does this beat sound like what G-Funk would’ve sounded like if Dr. Dre had been from Minneapolis?

Like I mentioned earlier, Slug had been taking shots at everyone and everything over the album, threatening to cut ties with every woman who’s done him wrong (or that he’s done wrong) and even going so far as to embrace his own ugliness. While he obviously still has issues with women on this song, it’s refreshing to hear him concede that, “You must hold on to anyone that wants you…” While he directs this statement to the vague, “Girl,” it’s obviously a two-way bit of advice. Basically, a part of both parties drives each other nuts, but life is too short for grudges.

Key Lyric: “Bundle up in my mittens and coat, as cold as it gets I’ll keep your winter afloat, so let the snow fall…”

06. Say Hey There (You Can’t Imagine How Much Fun We’re Having)

Alright, even though I’ve been trying to poke holes in the “emo-rap” stereotype, sometimes you just have to embrace it. “Say Hey There” is one of the most epic angry break up songs in hip-hop. While Slug has spent plenty of time over his career being angry with women, this one stands up as the most pointed of his attacks. I’m sure it’s not true, but you get the impression that he sat down immediately after having a fight with this woman and down all the scattered, irrational thoughts that come with the situation. It’s filled with the type of things you say during a fight and completely regret once things have calmed back down.

The dark brooding piano lends itself to the slow burning anger.In the third verse, when it hits that dramatic pause, it’s as if something from the unspoken other half of the argument has finally crossed the line, coming back to life with both Ant’s beat & Slug’s lyrics taking a darker and angrier tone.

Personal Sidenote: During one of those awkward periods after a break up, when you’re still in the silly “We’ll still be friends,” phase, I put this song on a mixtape for my ex. You’ll never believe it, but we did not remain friends.

Key Lyric: “I’m returning this Bleeding Heart’s Club membership card ‘cause I want no mothafuckin’ part of it…”

05. Lyndale Avenue User’s Manual (Sad Clown Bad Fall)

I’ll be honest; this one is a strictly personal selection. A song titled “Lyndale Avenue User’s Manual” is bound to hit my heart because, as you all well know, Lyndale Avenue is one of the two loves of my life. The whole song is very vague lyrically, however, speaking as someone who lives off Lyndale, it’s easy to listen to turn it into a narrative about the passive-aggressive characters up and down my neighborhood, as, not only am I familiar with them, I AM them. I mean, I did move here to change and make a new life. Twice.

I’ve said before that I’m not a fan of the rising prominence Nathan Collis’ guitar work has played in recent Atmosphere songs, this beat is a great example of the extra layer he can bring. Coupled with Ant’s drums and those floating keyboards, they manage to create the perfect, um, atmosphere of a night on my street.

Key Lyric: “We all need somethin’ we can stake the blame on, it can’t be your dance that made this rainstorm, it must be the alcohol, and you hate this place ‘cause the town too small…”

04. The Woman With The Tattooed Hands (Lucy Ford)

For whatever reason, indie rappers always seem to get stuck with one song that will always define them. Aesop Rock’s “Daylight,” Brother Ali’s “Forest Whitiker,” Sage Francis’ “Runaways,” etc… If Atmosphere is stuck with one song that will forever define them, it’s this one.

Ant’s beat continually descends down the piano only to come back to the top with a dash of strings. Listen to it carefully and you’ll notice that it’s incredibly simple. The whole song just keeps on this loop.

The fact that the beat never really changes adds an extra dimension to Slug’s tale of watching a woman masturbate. The song clearly has three stages (the realistic set up, the surreal action, the chorus/outro) and the beat never changes during any of them. It’s all in the delivery.

Back in the Lucy Ford days, Slug’s verses were much more cryptic than they are on latest albums. This song acts as a nice bridge between the two eras. While Slug’s woman issues are well documented, “The Woman With The Tattooed Hands” stands as his most nuanced and vexing portrayal of the confusion that women present.

Key Lyric: “On the right hand she had a tattoo of a nude girl, she claimed it is what god resembled, but on the left she had a mirrored image of the same female, and this one, she claimed, looked like the devil…”

03. Always Coming Back Home To You (Seven’s Travels)

A brief history of being a twenty-something in South MPLS. I’m partial to this one too, as I know exactly what Walgreens Slug’s talking about. The fingerprints of a Minnesotan are all over this one. The passive-aggressiveness of the characters is immediately relatable. The store is being held up, the store clerk, “doesn’t look the type to play superhero.” The woman leaving the deli, “gave me a glance that said, ‘Man could be an angel but he’s gotta take a chance.’” (Note she didn’t actually say anything, just glanced. I KNOW that glance like the back of my hand). The kid with the gun makes it clear that, “it’s not mine, I promise.” Even Slug, once he takes the gun, immediately looks for somewhere to leave it, putting it in a mailbox. All of these are snapshots that feel like home. No direct conversation, no direct action, just everybody living their life and choosing steady anonymity over a big risk.

What truly hits home about “ACBHTY” is that it’s the audio equivalent of what it feels like to walk down Lyndale Avenue at night in the middle of winter. You’re almost always alone and no one talks to anyone. It’s lonely. It’ll leave you lost in your own head to the point where, “one by one” watching “every constellation die” seems entirely reasonable (especially if you’ve had some brandy). You take pride in it, but that pride is rooted in the difficulty of frozen solitude.

The second half of the song turns intensely personal as Slug “takes a right on Lyndale” and gives us a quick tour of his youth. “Had my Lake Street pride for three decades, these alleyways and these street lights have seen my best days,” he reminds us. I’m sure lines like this can be translated to anybody’s city, but speaking as someone who lives here and loves it with all his heart, this one always gets to me.

Key Lyric: “No matter where I go, no matter what I do, I’m always coming back home to you…”

02. Don’t Forget (Sad Clown Bad Summer)

If “Always Coming Back Home To You” is the “Minnesota Winter” version (downbeat, introspective) of growing up and living in MPLS, then “Don’t Forget” is the “Minnesota Summer” version (upbeat, bringing everyone on board).

While autobiographically describing the effects hip hop had on his formative years, “Don’t Forget,” perfectly encapsulates the joys of MPLS when the sun’s shining and everything’s going well. Lots of people, crazy adventures, building camaraderie with your fellow winter survivors… This is why Minneapolis is the best place on earth in the summer.

Not to beat a dead horse, but Ant crushes it again with the pianos. This time it’s a nice, upbeat jaunt that matches Slug’s narrative perfectly. It’s easy to hear this as the kind of beat that Slug was driving around listening to back in 10^th grade.

If you’re reading this blog, you’re probably a bit of a music junkie like myself. While there’s a good chance none of us will ever grow up to make money off of music, we were all shaped by the music of those teenage years. I mean, if you’re right around 30 it’s easy to remember sitting by the radio and recording songs off the radio.

Key Lyric: “When I look in the rearview now, what would I see if I didn’t have the music in my history?”

01. Smart Went Crazy (You Can’t Imagine How Much Fun We’re Having)

Even after years and years of listening this one still stands up as my favorite.

First of all, it’s a great beat. Charlie Watts is famous for once claiming that the best drummers know when not to play. That seems to be And and Nate’s approach to this beat. The guitar just loops over some bouncy bass and a sample that states, simply, “Yeah, oh yeah…” It’s a lesson in restraint that young producers would be wise to acknowledge.

Slugs lyrics, meanwhile, encapsulate pretty much every different side that he’s shown us over the years.

The Abstractionist: “Sunset, sailboat, set course for hell, a cross and a hammer but you’ll have to get some nails…”

The Realist: “I”ve got a few blocks left before I reach my destination and retrieve my breath…”

The Angry Young Man: “I sting like a first divorce or them first Newports, whatever hurts you more…”

The Sexual Deviant: “Poor taste got passed off as gourmet, this beer is foreplay, we’ll meet up at your place…”

The Trailblazer: “Snuck round back to disarm the alarm from the plantation to the reservation to the farm…”

The Loyalist: “Proud to know ya, Minnesota, never sold coke and I never had to hold a pistol…”

Not does the song serve as a three-dimensional portrait of Slug the person, it also, somehow, creates a collage of images that encapsulate what it feels like to be 30 something in MPLS. Perhaps this is why it still speaks to me.

To reference my renowned “big picture” theory, the song has all the ups and downs that come with barely getting by in this city. Taken on their own, it seems like a lot to process. However, much like “Being a 30 year old in Uptown” provides the unchanging frame for my experiences, Ant’s beat provides the frame for images projected by Slug. This song could have splintered a million different ways, but Ant’s “big picture” beat holds it all together.

Key Lyric: "Manipulated the entry, more user-friendly, now a city full of pain pills and tattoos defends me..."

Alright, I’m officially burnt out on Atmosphere until at least Soundset. I’ll leave you with the video for "Just For Show," the first single off of The Family Sign. Thanks for reading.

Caffeine & Obscenities #8

2011-03-21T17:24:00.008-04:00

Well hello again. This is one of the few blogs that I haven't put any previous work into before posting it, so we'll see exactly how this goes. Please forgive any typos and/or nonsensical points (y'know, more than usual)...

File Under: Hey Ladies! (Update)

Alright, I won't bore you with all the details of this again since you were nice enough to slog through last week's post (and because the amount of details in last week's post was a bit of overkill). Believe me, I'd love to tell both of the stories of what happened with those two women mentioned in the last post, but I'll leave you with only the tragically hilarious endings of both nights.

Evidently, neither of those women read the blog I posted last week as both still talk to me. Oddly, I learned that Suicide Girl ended up breaking up with her boyfriend after he went through her phone and saw a text message from me that merely said, "Hello." (A story she related to me as 'funny' as I listened to it mortified). Honestly, who goes through their girlfriend's phone? You get what you pay for, stupid.

Long story short: She somehow ended up standing me up at bars twice in THE SAME NIGHT! I'm not even mad. That's amazing.

My dream girl (Roy Halladay) ended up meeting up with me for drinks with some guy she had met via Facebook and was meeting in person for the first time. She confessed that her previously mentioned "boyfriend" was not her boyfriend, that's just what she calls him (the equivalent of Halladay giving up a no-out double to start the 5th. We can get back in this game!).

Long story short: I ended up sitting at her apartment watching her and this FB guy sitting on her bed eating bun-less cheddarwurst with their hands at 3:30 AM.

Basically, there are two lessons here:

1. Even in my pursuit to find a good woman through honest methods, my life only gets stranger.

2. I'm an idiot.

Moving on..

File Under: Even Circle Jerks Are Bigger In Texas

Well, the South By Southwest Festival (SXSW) came and went last week. For years and years I've loathed this festival because, as mentioned above, it's just a giant indie rock circle jerk. I can completely appreciate what it's roots as a place where anybody can show up and play anything anywhere. Admittedly, it's a great concept. However, this shit has gotten out of hand. I mean, I read tweets this week that said shit like, "Catch N.E.R.D. playing at the Nokia showcase..." and such. This whole thing has become such a soul-sucking industry dog-and-pony show, with record contracts handed out like roofies and artists drinking whatever's set in front of them.

Sidenote: It really got to me this year thanks to Twitter. Watching every one of the generally entertaining artists I follow mercilessly promoting their own shows was nearly unbearable. Conversely, however, this underscores an interesting point: Twitter is only as awesome as its users. I suppose this is what you're left with when there's no Farmville or Mafia Wars to pass the time.

Last week I read two columns that, though they were not meant to be adversarial, clearly underscore what's terrible about music since the record industry's collapse and what will always be great about music. Please, take a minute to read them.

The Huffington Post's Mark R. Collins: Bands At SXSW You Should AVOID

Pitchfork's Mark Richardson: Resonant Frequency #77

Did you read them? Don't lie to me. The rest of this won't make much sense if you didn't.

Quick Disclaimer: I may not have appreciated the contrast of these columns if I wasn't such a die-hard Smiths fan. If Richardson had tried to make his points using a Simon & Garfunkel track it still would have come through, but it may not have hit home with me as easily.

So, both of these columns boil down to an essential question: Why do we listen to and follow music?

What Collins presents in his SXSW primer is a quick snapshot of everything that's wrong with indie music these days. I can certainly appreciate the first couple of paragraphs of his column in which he strike the same tone as I do regarding SXSW's lack of space for for unsigned acts in favor of more established acts. However, he loses me for good with his next point.

"That's not the South By Southwest we've all come to know and love. SXSW is supposed to be discovering the next big thing, seeing a band in a musty bar with 10 other people and then seeing them a few years later selling out Madison Square Garden and saying, "I remember when..."

This is arguably the most depressing thing I've read regarding music since Eyedea's obituary. It also doubles as hipster constitution. This bothers me for two reasons:

1. Seeing a band "in a musty bar with 10 other people" can certainly be a transcendent experience. I would give one of my toes to have seen The Replacements at The Uptown Bar in 1982 (of course, I would have been zero years old. I may not have appreciated it to its fullest. And I'd probably miss the toe as I learned to walk). However, doing such a thing at SXSW is a convoluted version of this experience. Instead of enjoying the journey of going to sparsely attended local shows for no name bands just for the experience and, perhaps, eventually catching something transcendent, you're basically shooting fish in a barrel. Here I am, entertain me (Smells Like Hipster Spirit?).

2. It sounds like Collins' answer to the above question of "Why?" is to say "I was there first." (Words that give hipsters such a hard-on that their skinny jeans can barely contain it. Unless, of course, they're using their hipster cred to make up for their tiny dicks. Which they almost certainly are) Honestly, is anything on Earth more annoying than your one hipster friend who won't shut the fuck up about how he was at Lifter Puller's first show? So fucking what? All that means, essentially, is you're related to one of the band members or you're not above drinking on a Tuesday. It doesn't mean the music sounds better to you. Or that you're the only person who "gets it." Man, shut the fuck up.

Just a couple quick complaints about his actual guide:

Suggesting that skipping the likes of Sleigh Bells, Calvin Harris, & Owen Pallett because they're too big is laughable. I realize that living in a hipster bubble has probably skewed his perspective, but he must realize that 99% of America has no fucking clue who any of these people are, right? In the claustrophobic world of "indie rock"," there is little perspective. Stricly a thought, but I'll bet he celebrated Arcade Fire winning the Grammy for Album Of The Year as some type of victory for indie rock, even though, by his reasoning, he would now skip their show.

At this poinnt in the life of FlatBasset, I do not feel obligated to prove yet again my love for Doomtree. However, to suggest skipping Kanye West (playing at a power plant, no less!) in favor of DTR is not only ludicrous, but irrelevant, as there is no chance Doomtree was playing at the same time as Yeezy.

Which brings me to Richardson's column, who answers the question of "Why?" by using The Smiths as an example of the power music can hold over an individual. In writing about this power, Richardson writes this brilliant bit about how music can, nearly literally, save your life.

"Teenage dreams may be hard to beat, but teenage nightmares are what stick in my memory. It's important to remember the depths of them, how your life could seem so beyond control, how you could be so terrified of being mocked, how you felt like you were always one random decision away from being a pariah. Or, to use Morrissey's words, spoken with his enviable compression: 'Sixteen, clumsy and shy.' Once you are an adult, those times become useful. You can look back on them and suddenly your current hardships in work or relationships or poor sense of who you are don't seem so insurmountable."

What could I even add to a paragraph that so perfectly sums up the power of music over the mind of both the young and the adult? Personally, I've found over the years that music can help cope with just about anything.

This is why people listen to music. Whether it's me putting on The Cribs on the walk home from Cheddarwurst-Gate, Richardson putting on The Smiths, or some middle-aged person putting on Fleetwood Mac, the music and how it relates to us personally is why music matters. This is why I follow music so doggedly. Not to say, "I was there first...", but to try to find a song that says something to me about my life.

File Under: Facebook Status Of The Week That Made Me Want To Kill Myself

"Yesterday is over. Today is a sunny new day. Don't let the crap from last night creep into your brain. Breathe."

File Under: Tweet Of The Week That Reminded Me Life's Worth Living

@BlockheadNYC: "How the fuck is there a 'Best Of Jimmy Fallon' SNL special? My 'Best Of Tim Meadows' VHS tape just turned in its grave."

File Under: Video Of The Week

Fuck it, after reading that Resonant Frequency column over and over we may as well just keep the Morrissey love rolling.

OK, good talk. Later.

Caffeine & Obscenities #7

2011-03-11T00:00:00.010-05:00

Hello everyone. Welcome to the lucky 7th installment of my sporadic Caffeine & Obscenities column. Quick disclaimer, I wrote a good chunk of this one at home after a few drinks. You'll probably realize that relatively quickly. Either way, glad you could make it. Here we go...

File Under: Hey Ladies!

Alright, I’m about to write some things that I probably shouldn’t, but honestly, you ladies have left me in straight “fuck it” mode and writing about it seems to be the only way to help myself deal with this shit. Besides, after my experiences, it’s become clear that the people I’m about to write about will never actually take the time to read this.

Did any of you read the track list I posted for January ’11? If you did you noticed that I bookended that post with mentions of an incredible woman I had met right around New Year’s.

Well, let me delve into that a little deeper.

I was just posted up at the CC Club doing my usual Brandy Ginger thing when I noticed this absolutely gorgeous Asian girl sitting at a table across from me. Now, sober, I suffer from a shyness that is criminally vulgar. However, as I sat across from her I thought to myself, “OK, self. If she ends up left alone at that table alone you had better man the fuck up and go say something.” After all, to paraphrase the great Bobby Hull, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Well, as luck would have it, after 10 or 15 minutes, both of the other people at the table got up to smoke and she was left alone. Fueled by massive amounts of brandy, I approached the table and started making small talk. All went well and I ended up getter her phone number.

OK, so, y’know, so far so good. I texted her a few days later and she remembered that I was “that CC Club vegan?” (Fuck it, I’ll take that. Those are two of my more defining traits anyway).We went back and forth getting to know each other. Turns out she’s from Rochester (Hey, I know Rochester!). She’s from a very Christian family but isn’t religious (Hey, I’m from a very Christian family but not religious!). All her siblings are married (Hey, all my siblings are married, um, basically!). And she loves cats(Hey… well, you get my point.).

Eventually she texted me and asked if I wanted to go thrifting with her at the Savers on Lake. Not the most exciting date, but certainly a unique one. Plus, without the benefit of brandy-fueled cleverness, I would be left to charm her with only my sober wit (gulp).

However, we caught the bus down on Lake and Girard and proceeded to have a lovely afternoon. I was absolutely smitten by the fact that she could get so excited by things like finding a maroon body pillow for $5. As we were riding the bus back after our shopping excursion, the bus rolled past Chicago-Lake Liquors. You know what she said to me? You know what she said 9^th?

She said,“That’s my favorite liquor store in MPLS.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because they have the best selection of 40’s.”

My heart skipped a beat. Did I really just find an incredibly attractive Asian woman from South Minnesota, from a Christian family, loves cats, loves thrifting, and loves 40’s? This has to be too good to be true, right?

Well, right.

Here’s the thing, I’ve been in a few relationships in my time. No sense re-hashing those now.Let’s just say that I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I feel like there aren’t a lot of curveballs that I can’t see coming. However, this girl is Roy fucking Halladay.

You see, here’s the problem. It seems that about a year ago her best friend in the world committed suicide. Certainly a tragic thing. However, on our subsequent nights out, everything would be going well until she got a couple of drinks in her, at which point she would begin crying about her friend. This happened every time. Like clockwork (I told you, Roy... fucking... Halladay). I tried my best to be supportive of the situation (holding her hand, telling her that she should appreciate the time she had with him, that he may be in a place without whatever pain he was feeling here…). The problem is, my aforementioned shyness makes it difficult for me to confess to a woman that I really like her without a drink or two to take that edge off. Like I said, drinking led her to being morose. Not really the opportune time to make a move.

This all went on for a couple of months. I thought about making some kind of move on Valentine’s Day, but, remembering how incredibly cool she is, realized that this would come off as cliché and lame (that’s how I’d view it if the coin was flipped). However, her birthday was near the end of February and I decided it was time to either take the shot or leave the ice.Being that I don’t have any money to actually buy a gift, I decided to give her my copy of Kurt Vonnegut’s Cat’s Cradle (she’d mentioned being a fan, but hadn’t read that one) with a none-too-subtle handwritten note on the inside cover.

So, I actually made a point of getting up a little earlier than usual so I could give her a call and hopefully walk over to her place and give her this gift. I probably called about 10:00.

“Hey, (Not gonna say her name. I’ve crossed plenty of lines here, but I won’t cross that one).How’s your birthday going?”

“Oh, it’s been good. Thanks for remembering.”

“C’mon now, of course I remembered. Listen, are you in the neighborhood right now?”

“No. Actually, my boyfriend flew in from the East Coast last night. We’re going to lunch.”

“….Um, OK. Never mind. Happy Birthday.”

So, over two months of (admittedly) awkward flirting, late night drinking, and hand-holding-crying-fits it never occurred to you to maybe, I dunno, mention that you have a fucking boyfriend!”

Hey ladies, don’t do this. Please. We all know how easy it is to tell the difference between “he wants to be friends with me” and “he wants to be with me.” If you’re dating someone and you realize that a guy is interested in you romantically, please just tell him you’re dating somebody. Lord know, plenty of you clumsily go out of your way to say things like, “Well, my boyfriend thinks art DOES change things.” Or other such asinine shit just to mention, “my boyfriend” and get me to stop hitting on you. Perfectly fair. Please stick to this ham-fisted model.

File Under: Hey Ladies! (Yeah, Again)

So here’s part two of just how stupid my life is. Rewind to last weekend with me.

The other night after work I was sitting over at Rudolph’s having a beer. As I sat down, I pulled out my phone to check up on Twitter (as I’m known to do) and saw that a bunch of people involved in the Doomtree/Gayngs family were tweeting about the show down at First Ave. I had previously thought that the show was too early for me to catch and had put it out of mind.However, these tweets were all along the lines of “Har Mar Superstar set in The Entry starts at 10:30.” “Doomtree set at 11:15.” “Gayngs set at midnight.” Well, I thought to myself, it’s only 9:30. I can easily walk downtown and catch this show, which is exactly what I did.

I got down to First Ave. with no intention of meeting people or doing much of anything outside of drinking and enjoying the show. However, as I was standing at the bar with a couple of friends I’d bumped into, I recognized one of the women standing next to us as one of the servers at one of my many regular bars. We spent the rest of the night chatting it up and having a good time.

Now, this woman was a completely different breed as the one I mentioned before. She had this incredible Suicide Girl look going with lots of tattoos and dark hair (which she dyed from red.Her freckles gave her away. Adorably.). We were having such a good time that we actually ended up kinda making out during the Gayngs set (specifically during “The Last Prom On Earth).

Sidenote too important for parenthesis: I have now made out with women while Prince performed “Purple Rain” live and Gayngs performed “The Last Prom On Earth” live. My life has been an unqualified success.

Well, the show ended and we were both heading back to Uptown, so we shared a cab and she asked if she could come up and meet my dog (Greatest wingman ever, by the way. She doesn’t even need to be present! Just the cell phone pics are usually enough.). So, she came up and we played with Margo, chatted about life in Uptown (She confessed that she’d had a crush on me for 10 months! “You’re just so quiet and cute.”), and eventually crashed (For the record, we did not have sex… Mom.)

Now, she seems like a super cool woman. Obviously has good taste in music. Doesn’t mind sharing a bed with a Basset Hound (or me, for that matter), and loves South Minneapolis. The clincher, however, was the next morning, when she saw Margo down at the end of the bed, held up her thumb and index finger, and said, “I’m crushing your head.” Good god! That was it.That tattoos, First Ave., booze, Uptown… All great signs. Kids In The Hall references: You win.

Well, we eventually parted ways. I texted her the next day and told her that I had a fantastic night with her and, y’know, do you fancy doing it again some time? Only semi-surprisingly, I didn’t hear back from her (I was more than prepared to file this in the, “You looked cute when I was drunk, I was just being polite the next day” column). However, I woke up this morning to a text message from her saying something along the lines of, “I had a really great time with you the other night. I wish I hadn’t waited 10 months to try to talk to you. I’m kinda seeing someone now, so we probably can’t really hang out again.”

Again! C’mon, life! And c’mon, women of Uptown!

File Under: Thanks For Listening

Alright, after reading those two posts again, I’ve seriously considered just deleting them as they are not really funny and not interesting to anybody. Plus they make me sound petty and kinda vindictive (which I am, only forget that “kinda” shit). However, writing and posting them makes me feel better. I mean, if one of you wants to pay for my therapy, I’ll quit writing shit like this. Until then, however, I’m just gonna keep venting. Stop reading the blog if you don’t like it.

File Under: Why Was I Raised A Viking’s Fan?

I just realized that I haven’t written anything on Flatbasset since the Packers defeated the Steelers in Super Bowl XXVIISXI-something-something. Now, as a Viking’s fan, watching the Packers win the Super Bowl would suck under any circumstances. However, this season will go down as the worst season in the history of the NFL. Here’s why:

The Vikings came into the season with sky high expectations after reaching the NFC Championship last year (and losing to the Saints in the most heartbreakingly stupid fashion). 12 men in the huddle! How the fuck does that even happen!?!
The whole off season was dominated by Brett Favre “will-he-or-won’t he” retirement rumours. Excrutiating to those of us who were hoping for another year of his services. Eventually a contingent of players had to fly down to Mississippi and, as far as I can tell, literally drag him onto a plane to Mankato. Not a good sign
Once Favre was back in the fold, the whole Jenn Sterger scandal blew up. For those of you who don’t know, this was a scandal that stemmed from the time when both Favre and Sterger were NY Jets employees. Evidently, Favre went so far as to send her some not-too-graphic text messages and some very, very graphic text photos. Honestly, most 40 year olds don’t even know how to use Smart Phones. And he’s sending dick pics! C’mon, man! (Sidenote: What’s “Sterger” spelled backwards? Not a good omen.
Once it became clear that star wide receiver Sidney Rice would need 8-10 weeks to recover from hip surgery (which he delayed until the start of training camp. Sid! Get that shit done right away), the Vikings decided to trade for former Viking all-pro, malcontent, punching bag, hilariously candid Randy “Straight Cash, Homey” Moss. We were all incredibly excited about this pick up.
Well, after 4 weeks, our jackass of a coach Brad Childress got fed up with Moss’ antics and cut him (without running it by his superiors) after he supposedly criticized a catering spread at Winter Park. I love Randy, but who the fuck complains about free meals of steak, pork chop, potatoes, & rib tips?
A couple of weeks later, Childress himself was fired. A godsend to those of us who actually had to put up with his blathering idiocy for the last 5 years. Still, firing a coach in the middle of the season is always poison for an NFL team. And at this point the Viking’s weren’t out of the playoff race.
The Metrodome roof collapsed. Let me reiterate this point. The FUCKING STADIUM COLLAPSED! Imagine if Yankee Stadium suddenly collapsed in mid-September.
Playing at TCF Stadium, Brett Favre’s career finally came to it’s crashing end when his head was slammed into the ice cold, rock hard playing field.
The lone bright spot of the season, the Vikings went to Philadelphia and beat the living hell out of the Eagles and their dog-murdering quarterback Michael Vick. I know a lot of people will never forgive Michael Vick for what he did to those pups. Let the record state that I am those people.
The season mercifully came to an end just as Aaron Rodgers and the Packers were gaining steam for their run through the playoffs.

Now, as if I didn’t hate the Packers enough simply because it is my duty as a Vikings fan, Aaron Rodgers pushed things to a whole new level. You see, last year, when the Vikings were breaking every one of their fans hearts yet again in the NFC Championship game (12 FUCKING MEN!), supposedly Aaron Rodgers jumped up on a bar in Las Vegas and started shouting out, “Fuck Brett Favre! Fuck the Minnesota Vikings!” I will never be happy for his success. In fact, with the exception of Vick beating, Rodgers’ two concussions were my favorite part of this season.

Knife Twisting Sidenote: For the last 12 months, every NFL promo has ended with a clip of Saints quarterback Drew Brees celebrating his Super Bowl victory. Everybody on Earth was happy for him and New Orleans except for people in Minnesota because that shoulda been us! Week after week, we had that failure rubbed in our face. Now, for the next 12 months (or longer if there’s a lockout), we’ll have to watch Aaron Rodgers’ subtly homoerotic “Championship Belt” gesture at the end of every promo. And then, in 2012, the Vikings will move to LA. Kill me now.

File Under: Happy Anniversary!

My parents celebrated their 30^th wedding anniversary back on Valentine’s Day. Congrats, Mom & Dad. To put that in perspective, when my parents got married the Toronto Maple Leafs were only 13 years into their Stanley Cup drought.

File Under: The Women Are Beautiful, To Me They Are

On February 28^th, 1950’s movie star and Bemidji native Jane Russell passed away. Russell was best known for playing opposite Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. She starred in more than 20 films and, after retiring from Hollywood, founded the World Adoption International Fund.

So, just in case any of you forgot, Minnesota women are the most beautiful women in the world.

From Jane Russell to Winona Ryder to Dessa …

File Under: Facebook Status Of The Week That Made Me Want To Kill Myself

“5 years ago today I gave birth to the most wonderful little girl. Happy birthday Maleri! Mommy loves you so much!”

File Under: Tweet Of The Week That Reminded Me Life’s Worth Living

From @Phileeeeeeep: “Random Finn: “Mikko Koivu is pretty adequate”… do I have to find you again and fight you?”

File Under: Video Of The Week

A lot of my Uptown friends are “so over Doomtree” that I’ll probably catch shit for posting this, but fuck it, I still love this stuff.

Earlier this month, Sims finally released his second solo album Bad Time Zoo. Here’s the first video from the album, for the track “Burn It Down.”

Alright, thanks for putting up with all my shit. I’ll see ya’ll a little bit later.

Flatbasset-March '11

2011-03-03T11:05:00.002-05:00

Sorry I'm a month late with this one. I had put all of this together for February 1st - cut, print, good to go. However, over the next three weeks I was at the mercy of a non-functioning Spiekerboxxx. Believe me, even though February is the shortest month of the year, 28 days with no computer, not TV, no money, no new books, and weather so cold that it was a chore just to leave the house nearly killed me.

However, here we are. 20 more days and it's officially spring. But it's a marathon, not a sprint. To help with this last leg, here's March's mix. Enjoy!

Flatbasset-March '11

Caffeine & Obscenities #6

2011-01-18T22:44:00.008-05:00

File Under: Step Ya Life Up

The picture you see up above is a t-shirt taken from Mikey Boy Crisis’ Summer 2010 collection. In case you don’t follow hip-hop (and shame on you if you don’t), the portrait is Atlanta rapper Gucci Mane. He was incarcerated for a while (he only completed 25 of the 600 community service hours he was sentenced with from a previous assault conviction) and, as the shirt clearly states, has since been released. Mikey decided he really, really wanted to celebrate the occasion.

Now, for those who are unfamiliar with the work of Gucci Mane, he’s one of those rappers that is awesome because he’s so fucking ridiculous. He rocks a diamond & gold Bart Simpson chain, he started an un-winnable feud with fellow Atlanta rapper Young Jeezy, and he spits lines like, “Four plus four, dog, that’s a chicken wing…” Basically, if you don’t follow hip-hop a little bit, it’s really, really easy to dismiss him as the retarded child of the Three-Six Mafia and Mike Jones (which would hands down be the worst sex tape ever leaked). However, if you listen to it and embrace it, it’s pretty fucking great stuff. Sparse beats and that great Southern vibe. Before you know it you’ll be walking around telling people not to fuck with your kitchen.

So here’s what’s really bothering me. Mikey wore this shirt for six months and nobody really mentioned it. I mean, if you’ve seen Mike’s wardrobe, you eventually learn to quit asking questions and just roll with it. However, when he was wearing it a couple of weeks ago, one of my hipster co-workers started chatting with him about it. Specifically, he started talking about the track “Lemonade” (from Gucci’s album The State Vs. Radric Davis album). I didn’t think much of it, as I respect this person’s musical taste and, I mean, Gucci’s awesome.

Later that same day, however, Mikey and I were in receiving and another of our super-hipster co-workers noticed the shirt. She pulled over another person and said something like, “Oh my god! I love that shirt. Gucci’s the best!” This one struck me as odd as it was the second time in about an hour someone had commented on it (after 6 months of no comments). We had a brief conversation about it and she also mentioned the track “Lemonade” as awesome.

I started wondering why Gucci Mane was suddenly gaining traction with the whitest hipsters I know (and in MPLS, that’s saying something). Then it hit me, “Lemonade” had landed on Pitchfork’s Top Songs of 2010 list. Now, I’m not here to attack Pitchfork. I read it at least once a week (although headlines like “Joanna Newsom Finally Reveals Details Of New Triple Album!!” & “Breakbot Remixes Japanther!” make me wonder why I bother). To their credit, they’ve always reviewed his albums and whenever he makes the news (which is frequently), they report it. What really bothers me is that up until these hipsters saw his single turn up on the list, they had never bothered. However, once it had Pitchfork approval (read: It’s OK to like this, hipster fucks), they jumped on board. Step your life the fuck up, hipsters.

Sidenote: I want to give Gucci Mane props for being the most successful openly gay rapper since Tupac. Keep greasing that belly…

File Under: Vegans Of The World…

Just want to throw a quick shout out to my friend Holly (@frickenholly). She’s a fellow vegan (and Grand Rapids, Michigan transplant) who I met while working at The Wedge one day. She has a vegan blog called Babes In Soyland. Give it a look.

File Under: Extremely Random Observation

I was over at Midway Bowling the other night and it dawned on me that most people would love to bowl their weight. If I bowl my weight I’m failing. And you all wonder why I’m nuts.

File Under: Adventures In Shaving

After Halloween I decided that I wanted to have a nice crazy looking beard going when I rolled into Christmas as Ginger Claus. I succeeded and, once the goal was achieved, I didn't really have a good reason to keep looking so ridiculous. I didn't realize until I took these pictures just what a shitshow I was.

Before

After

Don't worry, kids. Ginger Claus will be back next year. It doesn't matter if you've been naughty or nice, as he doesn't really like any of you.

File Under: There Aren’t Enough Chair Straps And Toothpicks In The World…

This Friday, IFC is debuting a new series called Portlandia which, according to their description is a, “dreamy and absurd rendering of Portland, Oregon.”

Allow me to speculate on the first episode’s plot:

Fred Armisen & Carrie Brownstein (the main actors, although I do not know their characters name and will therefore be referred to by their actual names) meet up in the late morning for fair-trade coffee and gluten-free scones (total bill: $23.20). Fred is excited because he’s taken the day off from his internship at the college radio station to spend the day searching thrift stores for the perfect pair of vintage glasses (he lost his last pair while camping in the woods on a peyote binge). Carrie, however, is not quite as enthusiastic about the day as she and her ex-girlfriend are still arguing about whether or not they should split up their two cats, Kerouac & Dylan (Zimmy for short). Eventually Fred convinces Carrie to join him, as the next few days hold a real cold snap in store for Portland (Average high: 41 Degrees) and they shouldn't waste the day.

As they go from thrift store to thrift store, Fred will not shut the fuck up about some band no one’s ever heard of this week and no one will remember next week. “They’re called ‘Full Service Aztec.’ They’re a sampler & bass guitar neo-psychedalic glitch-pop duo. They only sing in Japanese whispers and the chorus’ are all whistling. They’re playing tonight over at the ‘I May Have Hips But I’m Not A Hipster’ party with DJ SlutCannon.” For reasons that are completely incomprehensible to everyone in America, this excites Carrie.

Fred finally finds the pair of glasses that he’s looking for. A pair of, “vintage red shaggers” that he can’t pass up. “They’re just so fucking gaudy. But they’re vintage and everyone will know it. Ah, man, what a score.” Fred spends his last $800 dollars on the glasses and a new cardigan for Carrie. The cardigan prominently features a Dutch flag. Carrie is not Dutch. Again, she is inexplicably excited.

While walking down the street, they bump into Minnesota native and Portland Trailblazer Joel Pryzbilla. “Oh, you’re that basketball guy right?” asks Carrie. “Yeah, I’m Joel.” Fred interjects, “Joel, what do think of these vintage shaggers?” Pryzbilla rolls his eyes and mumbles to himself, “I hate my life…”

Carrie and Fred finally make their way the “I May Have Hips” party and grab a couple of Bullfrog beers (“They’re made by this local guy that we all call ‘The Gator.’ Real homemade microbrew shit.” Fred informs us) As DJ Slutcannon plays “Kids” by MGMT, the whole room freezes, not sure if the DJ is being pre-ironic or post-ironic. Eventually “Full Service Aztec” takes the stage and everybody pops some 2CB and twitches around to Japanese whispering. The night is going well for Carrie, who’s met a new girl who is so DIY that she “recycles” old bicycle grease into make up. The show ends abruptly, however, when Fred yells out that someone has stolen his “shaggers.” The entire crowd freezes and turns to stare at Jason, the one black guy at the party.

The End

Facebook Status Of The Week That Made Me Want To Kill Myself:

“Rockbottom 4x4 party tonight and were hittin the slopes! More importantly, 25 days and I get the hell outta here and Cali here I come! J

Twitter Post That Reminded Me Life’s Worth Living:

From @BlockheadNYC: I think its safe to say that 50 year old white men with basketball jersey’s over their button up shirts are the best at “raising the roof.”

Video Of The Week:

I’ve been freaking out over this new Shad album TSOL for a couple of weeks now. His track "Keep Shining" is on the mix below (of course I'm sure you have all checked that out already). Old school props if this video takes you back.

Flatbasset-January '11

2011-01-11T21:39:00.019-05:00

Hopefully by now we've all gotten over our New Year's hangover and quit writing '2010' on our checks. So now we're into it, here's 60 solid minutes of Flatbasset to perk you up. Put it on while your shoveling the snow or re-decorating your apartment.

If you're new to the playlist (and hopefully some of you are. I've made a few new friends since October), This is essentially a mixtape of songs I was diggin' last month. Just click the link, type in the letter/number combo at the top of the Megaupload page, and enjoy.

Flatbasset - January '11

I'll be back at the beginning of February with pics and links to the individual mp3s.

Alright, by "February" I guess I meant "March." Anyway, here we go:

01. The Smiths - Hand In Glove

I put this one on the mix for two reasons.

First, I thought it was appropriate to start the New Year off with a classic. Frankly, they don’t get much more classic than this one.

Second, just before New Year’s, I met this incredible woman. So incredible, in fact, that I realized it was probably a bit too good to be true. Having spent 29 years trying to strike a balance between my natural optimism and my learned skepticism, the line “I know my luck too well and I’ll probably never see you again…” seemed relevant. More on this at the end of the post…

02. Yelawolf – Stage Lights (Remix)

Yelawolf is a dude from Alabama who’s been blowing up on the internet lately. I checked out his Trunk Muzik mixtape and wasn’t immediately impressed. However, the more I listened to it, the more it grew on me. While the difference between the best song on the album (this one, in my opinion) and the worst of them is pretty dramatic, when this dude has it going, he REALLY has it going.

03. The Get Up Kids – Action & Action

As I’ve mentioned dozens of times before, I grew up on a lot of emo stuff and I never quite got over it. You know how that goes. From those ages 14-19, everything just sticks in your head. You may outgrow it, but you’re never able to let it go entirely. The Get Up Kids are one of those bands, to the point where I finally went out and tracked down a copy of their album Something To Write Home About, a classic within the world of turn of the century power-pop-emo-punk.

This song specifically made me want to track down the record. I mean, a great pop music “fuck you” transcends time and, “Every mistake that I made I couldn’t have made without you…” is a pretty great “fuck you.”

Sidenote: I remember watching the video for this song with Sarah Elise on 120 Minutes way back in the day. I’m sure she was rolling her eyes the entire time, but I couldn’t get enough of the guy singing into that dangling phone. Oddly, she and I have debated whether that phone scene was from this song or a Promise Ring song.

04. Cory Grindberg – This One Goes Out To Frankfurt

Cory Grindberg is one third of a Minneapolis group of beat makers known as Audio Perm. They recently won the TC Hip-Hop Awards “Album Of The Year” Award. Good stuff all the way around.

However, I discovered Cory Grindberg semi-randomly via Twitter (through the other TC hip-hop musicians I follow). I was not prepared for what I was getting into when I started following him. Highly, highly entertaining stuff. If you like tweets about how lame Northwestern is, how much fun it is “going ham,” or how terrible Wale is, I definitely suggest you follow him (@CoryGrindberg).

05. Electric Light Orchestra – Sweet Talkin’ Woman

You all know how much I love pop music with a good hook. It doesn’t get much poppier or hookier than ELO. I know a lot of people dismiss their music as kind of cheesy & empty, but I also know a lot of aspiring musicians who would kill to be able to write the type of earworm hooks that Jeff Lynne routinely produced.

Sidenote: Always thanks to Ms. Palmquist (a sweet talkin’ woman herself) for turning me on to ELO.

Sidenote II: There is a fantastic ELO tribute band that plays around MPLS all the time known as ELnO. I caught their show back before I owned an ELO record and still enjoyed it thoroughly. Check them out if you’re in my city.

06. Company Flow – Blind

I put this one on for the Doomtree fans who read my blog. To quote Murs, “If you don’t know your history I know you’re fake…”

07. Justin Timberlake – LoveStoned/I Think She Knows

For more than a decade, poking fun at Justin Timberlake was like shooting fish in a barrel. Obviously, the ‘NSync seemed pretty brainless in its time and hasn’t stood up particularly well. His first solo album Justified seemed to reinforce his the perception that he was a brainless white dude with “next Michael Jackson” aspirations. Even the “Cry Me A River” fuck off to Britney Spears came off as convoluted.

However, hooking up with Timbaland for this FutureSex/LoveSounds album was a stroke of genius. Obviously, Timbaland’s record as a producer speaks for itself. His bizarre beats have made stars of those who could keep up (Missy Elliott, Aaliyah) and made jokes out of those who couldn’t (Chris Cornell). Viewing a teaming with Timbaland as a test of his artistic credibility, Timberlake passes with flying colors. This 7 minute jam, with it’s souped-up beat boxing and guitar was outro is the perfect example that Timberlake may have been worthy of all those “next great pop star” proclamations.

Sidenote: Listening to this album all the way through, it’s clear that the only real difference between Har Mar Superstar and Justin Timberlake is very, very small. Evidently sllightly better beats and slightly less graphic verses are the margin between niche-indie star and international superstar.

08. The Verve – Sonnet

As the second song on The Verve’s Urban Hymns album (immediately following the mega-hit “Bittersweet Symphony), it probably goes down as the 90’s all time leader in “song that got played for 10 seconds before a different record was put on.” That’s a damn shame. With the possible exception of “Lucky Man,” this is my favorite song on what has stood up as one of the classic British albums of the last 30 years.

09. Shad – Keep Shining

I was listening to the K as I was shooting down 94E a few weeks back when this song came on. The beat seemed good and the first line of the song was, “I roll with clever broads, with goals like Federov.” As you can probably imagine, I was willing to buy whatever Shad had to say after that. I got home and tracked down a copy of his TSOL album. It’s quickly become one of my favorite hip-hop albums ever. I highly suggest everybody check it out.

10. Metric – Stadium Love

Metric has always kind of bothered me simply because they always seem to be trying soooo hard. The guys in the band look like they could be any three hipsters from any band in America. Emily Haines is always clumsily selling her sexiness. The records are unnecessarily cyptic. It all just seems so contrived.

That’s kind of why I like this song so much. I’m sure they called it “Stadium Love” for a reason. This one was meant to be turned up really, really loud. It would sound immaculate in a stadium (unless that stadium was the Target Center, in which case it would sound awful).

11. Doomtree – A Rickety Bridge

Pretty much the only recorded work released by Cecil Otter since his Rebel Yellow album came out a couple years ago. I love Cecil’s style. After star turns from P.O.S., Dessa, Paper Tiger, Lazerbeak, and, just this month, Sims, it must be about time for Cecil to step back into the spotlight. Hopefully this is just the tip of the iceberg.

12. Hüsker Dü – Could You Be The One?

Minnesota Classic

13. The Hood Internet – Stuntin’ Like Black Rock

You all know what a fan I am of mash ups. If you haven’t checked out The Hood Internet, you’re missing some of the finest mash ups out there. This one, obviously is a mash up of BlackRock & Lil’ Wayne & Birdman’s “Stuntin’ Like My Daddy.” If you tell me that you listened to this song and didn’t walk around the rest of the day rapping, “stuntin’ like my daddy, stuntin’ like my daddy…” then I’m going to have to call you out as a liar.

14. Chin Chin – Miami

I really like Chin Chin because they seem to have stolen a lot of their sound from Steely Dan. Hell, if you’re gonna steal

Sidenote: I downloaded their Go There With You EP for free. You know what label was giving it away? Def Jux! I love the internet.

15. Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Let Me Know

Alright, as I mentioned earlier, I met this incredible woman back around New Year’s. Now, the balance between “natural optimism” & “learned skepticism” is indeed a tough one to walk. As the line, “I know my luck too well…” implied, I had talked myself into skepticism regarding this woman. By the time I got to the end of the playlist, the pendulum had swung back to “natural optimism.”

I had hopes that, since I had told her about these playlists I put together on my blog, she would take the time to download it and listen to it. Now, as any mixtape junkie knows, the last song on the tape is the most important. Obviously, my hope was that the lingering sound of Karen O “calling out” to “let me know” would be a not so subtle message.

Well, let’s say that within the last few weeks the pendulum has, inevitably (I mean, it IS a pendulum) swung back to “learned skepticism.” Not only did she not download the mix, she didn’t even read the blog. Actually, that part is kind of funny. I’m assuming that means she’s probably not reading this either. I wonder if people are typing blogs about me that I’m ignoring… Wait, I’m getting off point. The lesson, as always: I’m an idiot.

Re-Evaluate The Songs...

2011-01-11T21:33:00.009-05:00

As you know, I'm a music junkie. Specifically, mp3's (I don't even own a stereo, let alone a turntable, receiver, & speakers. Although if this writing ever pays off...). 4 or 5 years ago I became hopelessly addicted to a website called Last.fm, which lets me combine my love of music with my peculiar desire to rank things.

Last.fm is, supposedly, a social networking site (although I rarely use it as such). Mostly, it's just a site that keeps track of everything you listen to, suggests new bands, and posts shows in the area. Like I said, I'm a hopeless addict. You can check out my page here.

While checking up on it, y'know, um, daily, I remembered a questionnaire I had filled out on the site once regarding my Top 50 artists. I got bored today and decided to fill it out again based solely on my listening habits for 2010.

(Quick Disclaimer: This post may not be interesting to anybody that isn't me. Straight up blogging masturbation).

Here are my Top 50 for the year:

01. The Cribs

02. Kanye West

03. Atmosphere

04. Jay-Z

05. Arctic Monkeys

06. Sage Francis

07. Blur

08. Kid Cudi

09. Morrissey

10. The Hold Steady

11. Why?

12. Wale

13. Gorillaz

14. P.O.S.

15. Murs

16. Doomtree

17. Dessa

18. The Replacements

19. Aesop Rock

20. Wilco

21. The Streets

22. Taking Back Sunday

23. The Killers

24. Lifetime

25. Buck 65

26. Paul Westerberg

27. Les Savy Fav

28. Bloc Party

29. The Smiths

30. Art Brut

31. The Plastic Constellations

32. The Hood Internet

33. Lifter Puller

34. Descendents

35. The Stone Roses

36. Felt

37. The Strokes

38. Lupe Fiasco

39. Plain Ole Bill

40. Madvillain

41. Alkaline Trio

42. Dillinger Four

43. El-P

44. The Libertines

45. F. Stokes & Lazerbeak

46. All

47. Har Mar Superstar

48. Outkast

49. Babyshambles

50. BK-One

1. How did you get into 29?

My oldest friend StP Sarah tried in vein to turn me onto The Smiths back in highschool. Of course, I was much too concerned with when Lagwagon was coming to town to give a though to some old British band with an obnoxious lead singer.

Fast forward a couple of years. I was on a drive from Red Wing to Duluth and I really wanted something new to play on the drive. Oddly, when I pulled up to Best Buy the chorus from "Hand In Glove" turned up in my head (even though I hadn't heard it in at least three years). I picked up a copy of Louder Than Bombs and played it four times over the course of the 4 hour round trip.

Since then I've turned my brother into a Smiths devotee, dropped countless drinks while playing drunken iPod karaoke to their records, and even had sex with at least 3 different girls while listening to their records. Pretty fruitful relationship considering they've been broken up since I was 5.

2. What was the first song you ever heard by 22?

The first song I heard by Taking Back Sunday (like most of us, I think) was, "Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team)). Their Tell All Your Friends album came out just as I was getting out of my punk rock phase, yet I'm still a fan of that one and the albums they've put out since. To someone who's not an emo fan, I'm sure they sound cliche and terrible. To those of us that were, it's easy to see how their songs stand out over someone like, say, Thursday

Sidenote: I think it must have been about the third time I went out with NYC Sarah, she, Phil, & I went over to Pizza Luce in Uptown (I was in Roseville at the time, she in Highland Park). I drove over, but I'm pretty sure Phil and I had too many Summits, because I know she drove back. In our intoxicated state, we turned up, "Cute Without The 'E'" about as loud as we could and valiantly tag-teamed the vocals just as they are on the record while Sarah watched in horror. Remarkably, within a year she was debating marrying me. I'll never understand my life.

3. What's your favorite lyric by 3?

Favorite Atmosphere lyric? "These alleyways and these street lights have seen my best days/before I was a germ learning how to misbehave/all the way to the grave/Southside is my resting place..."

4. How did you get into 49?

I got into Babyshambles purely from my love of The Libertines. Pete Doherty's new band can't touch his old one, but the highs are nearly as high (no pun intended).

5. How many albums by 13 do you own?

I own four albums by Gorillaz: S/T, G-Sides, Demon Days, & Plastic Beach

6. What is your favorite song by 50?

My favorite BK-One song is probably "Call To Arms." Great beat that builds from a bassline to some crazy Brazilian horns. And I Self kills it.

7. Is there a song by 39 that makes you sad?

How could any Plain Ole Bill song make me sad? Not only is his mixtape stellar, but I've seen him rock NYC as P.O.S.'s touring DJ and rock MPLS at Triple Double Tuesday. He also works at Fifth Element, is one of only two Squawk Box residents to pet Margo (along with Dessa), and his favorite sandwich is the Old School Tempeh at The Wedge. Nothing about Plain Ole Bill makes me sad.

8. What is your favorite song by 15?

Shiiiiitttt... This is the same answer I gave a couple years ago to this question. My favorite Murs song is still "Silly Girl." Here's what I wrote about this song when I posted it as one of my favorites of the 2000's:

Another personal choice. This song has so many lines that have become regular fixtures of Phil & my conversation that I’ll have to break it down.

1. “I’m at where I’m at and I’ma be where I’ma be and that’s about all you need to know…”

When girls text one of us at random or when we’re out painting the city gold.

2. “It’s not hot, it’s not cute, it’s not getting you anywhere, and it’s about to get you fired…”

Usually referring to the slightly angrier text follow-up text from aforementioned girl when the first text is ignored.

3. “One day at the crib she gonna let you break ground…”

Um, self-explanatory

4. “That’s how it be when your falling in…um… I wouldn’t say that…”

Ha! We’re bad people.

5. “Silly little girl, simple little girl, you didn’t want me when I wanted you…”

Instant “my girl and I broke up and I’ve gone super-fucking-emo” antidote.

6. “I took Tasha to the Hyatt, oh yeah, I went there again…”

As far as I know neither of us has actually brought a girl to the Hyatt. Or even set foot in a Hyatt. Still, fun line to drop.

7. “That story about that cow and that milk ain’t a fact, ‘cause if you wait too long that milk goes sour, and I like my lovin’ hot no more cold shower.”

I played this song specifically for that line while driving Phil and his girl home from Minnehaha Lanes once. There is nothing as fun as an inside joke between two people when there’s four people in a car.

9. What is your favorite song by 5?

My favorite Arctic Monkeys song is still "Mardy Bum" (although, "Cornerstone" is a close second). It's a brilliantly poppy song that sands off the rough edges of the guitars on Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not. Plus, the lyrics concern the story of how Alex Turner's significant other gets angry at him for being late despite the fact that it wasn't his fault at all. He implores her to remember when they would, "Laugh and joke around, remember cuddles in the kitchen just to get things off the ground" while conceding that those things are, "Right hard to remember on a day like today when you're all argumentative and you've got that face on..."

I mean, who can't relate to this situation?

10. Is there a song by 6 that makes you happy?

I wouldn't say any Sage Francis song makes me happy on its own merits, but I have great memories of rolling around with Phil while listening to "Runaways." These memories make me happy, so I guess that counts.

11. What is the worst song by 40?

The worst song by Madvillain? Fuck, who could tell? That whole album runs like one long, bizarro track with MF Doom drifting in and out of Madlib's canvas of beats. I dunno.

12. What is your favorite song by 10?

While their distaste for Minnesota (and disappointing new album) have combined to dull my love for The Hold Steady, I still love "Hot Soft Light." "I was Lyndale South, man, I was kicking it with cousins..."

13. What is a good memory you have involving 30?

While I was living out in New York Art Brut played a five night stand. Sarah and I went and caught the finale of the stand and it was a great time. I wrote a whole blog post about this back when it happened. For more details, scroll thataway.

Specifically, though. I remember everybody at this show enjoying it thoroughly, the band included. Oddly, with just a song or two left, the dude behind me yelled, "Hey Eddie!" (referring to the lead singer Eddie Argos). When Eddie looked over the guy threw up his middle finger and yelled, "Fuck you!" It seemed to be kind of good natured, but the look on Argos' face is still burned in my brain. He looked genuinely hurt!

14. What is your favorite song by 38?

My favorite Lupe song is probably still "Kick, Push." I do have a very special fondness for his song "Go-Go Gadget Flow." I mean, the first line of the song is, "I'm from a city in the Midwest, best city in the whole wide, wide world..." Ya'll know I eat that shit up.

15. Is there a song by 19 that makes you happy?

Y'know, Aesop Rock's music usually ain't the happiest. I remember when he started his Twitter accounted and someone wrote, "Oh, Aesop Rock has a Twitter? Get ready for tweets about doom & cigarettes..."

The song "Pigs" (the secret track on Aesop Rock's None Shall Pass LP) does have a line or two that makes me happy. Specifically, " I don't really know the working details of your tribe, I know that's one ugly fucking tie..."

16. Is there a song by 25 that makes you sad?

Plenty of Buck 65 songs make me feel sad, but his song "The Floor" (from Secret House Against The World) is sad enough to make Ted Leo want to kill himself.

17. What is the first song you ever heard by 23?

Favorite Killers song? Good one. As those of you have read Flatbasset before know, I'm a huge Killers fan. Their hooks will live in your head for days. I suppose if I had to pick, I'd go with "When You Were Young." Phenomenal guitar, great hook, snarky lyrics, sounds incredible coming from a car stereo.

18. What's your favorite lyric by 11?

Favorite Why? lyric? C'mon! I'll keep it to Top 5:

05. "I conquered my old childhood silence and now the world is my lit confessional marquee..."

04. "I wish I could feel close to somebody but I don't feel nothin', now they say I need to quit doing all this random f...."

03. "Your cat clawed out my eyes while I was distracted by your smile, now my sockets sit like empty catcher's mitts waiting...

02. "There is no paved street worthy of your perfect Scandanavian feet..."

01. "I'm lucky to be under the same sky that held the exhale from your first breath..."

19. Who is a favorite member of 1?

While it's hard to separate the different members of The Cribs (I mean, they are brothers), I'll go with Gary Jarman. His brother Ryan is the one who makes all the headlines (Twitter feuds, near-death experiences at the NME Awards, dates Kate Nash), his singing voice is rough.

Small anecdote to explain my position: I went and saw The Cribs at The Varsity Theatre a while back. At one point, Ryan Jarman wandered over to a piano that sat at the side of the stage. It was well out of tune and not mic'd (up as it is just part of the ambiance), but that didn't stop a drunken Ryan from banging out an improvised, rambling ballad. As Ryan finished up, Gary said (in his dry British accent), "Good one, Ryan. Let's hope none of the bootleggers got here tonight." (This joke was much funnier than the drunken antics of his brother. If you know me, perhaps you understand why I like this story.)

20. Is there a song by 14 that makes you happy?

There are plenty of P.O.S. songs that make me happy, but I'm gonna put "Purexed" at the top of the list. Any song that has the line, "Hush, let 'em try to find the beauty in your face..." in the chorus will top my lists forever.

21. What is a good memory involving 27?

Oddly, I have no "good" memory involving Les Savy Fav. I think this stems from the fact that I've never seen them live or even listened to their records with anybody else present. They do always remind me of StP Sarah, which I suppose counts as "happy" most of the time.

22. What is your favorite song by 16?

My favorite Doomtree song is still "Gander Back." Just P.O.S., Sims, & Mictlan going bananas on the grimy beat. If anybody ever complains that Twin Cities hip-hop is just a bunch of people ripping off Atmosphere, send them this song, then un-friend them.

23. What is the first song you ever heard by 47?

Jesus, this is the third time I've mentioned StP Sarah in this post. I think the first Har Mar Superstar song I ever heard was "Baby, Do You Like My Clothes?" I hope that makes her laugh.

24. What is your favorite album by 18?

I know most people will say Let It Be is their favorite Replacements album (and if you ask me another day, I might agree), but I'm gonna say Tim today. The hat trick of songs at the end ("Left Of The Dial," "Little Mascara", & "Here Comes A Regular") are so good that you just want to start the record over again.

25. What is your favorite song by 21?

As of today, I'm going to say my favorite Streets song is "The Sherry End." The whole song is about how great it is when you're out with a circle of really close friends. How a joke turns into an inside joke turns into merely a knowing look. "When a good night flounders and it's over, how good it was I tend to know, by adding up or rounding down, the evening's count of jokes..."

This one is stupidly personal because it reminds me of all the inside jokes Phil and I had that no one else gets. Fortunately Mikey Boy Crisis and I have developed a pretty good repertoire now. Brodie Croyle!!!

26. What is the first song you ever heard by 26?

What was the first Paul Westerberg song I ever heard? I have no clue, but I'm willing to bet it was "Dyslexic Heart." In fact, I hope it was.

27. What is your favorite album by 3?

My favorite Atmosphere record is You Can't Imagine How Much Fun We're Having. It's the perfect balance between a fully realized album and a very good mixtape. I love the way Ant bridges the gaps between songs with snippets of beats and other random audio rather than ending the song then starting a new one.

Plus, this record has three tracks that show every relevant side of Slug.

01. "Say Hey There" - The stereotypical "emo-rap" song that everyone hates on Atmosphere for. Outside of that stereotype, though, it's a phenomenal "fuck you" break-up song. In fact, I remember specifically putting it on a mixtape I made for an ex once while we were in that "we'll try to be friends" phase. Believe it or not, we did not remain friends.

02. "Get Fly" - One of those positive jams that Atmosphere never gets enough credit for. When that piano hits my car stereo I can't help but smile and roll down the windows.

03. "Smart Went Crazy" - Wonderfully abstract collage of what it's like to be pushing 30 in Minnesota. Large failures, small successes... Probably my favorite Atmosphere song.

28. What is you favorite song by 2?

Even though I'm obsessed with Kanye's new record right now, I think my favorite song of his is still "The Glory." It's a great "being famous kinda sucks, but it's also kinda incredible" rant that has classic lines like, "When you meet me in person, what do you feel like? I know, I know, I look better in real life!"

If you have this track, put it on and try to tune out Kanye. This is a criminally underrated beat.

29. What was the first song you ever heard by 32?

I only just heard The Hood Internet for the first time a couple of months ago over at The Depot (no, not the one on 7th St.). If my memory is correct it was a mash-up of Modest Mouse and someone from a YouTube clip, but I'm not sure. This definitely happened at about 3:00 AM.

30. What is you favorite song by 8?

My favorite Kid Cudi song is still "Pursuit Of Happiness" w/MGMT & Ratatat. I've had so many drunken singalongs to this one that I've lost count. It's very liberating after you've maybe said one too many stupid things at the bar or sent one too many drunk texts to sing along with lines like, "People tell me slow my roll, I'm screamin' out, 'fuck that!'" Hmmm... Perhaps Kid Cudi's an enabler.

31. How many times have you seen 17 live?

As a solo artist and at random Doomtree related shows I'll bet I've seen Dessa perform live at least a dozen times.

That being said, I see her all the time. When I moved back to MPLS I moved into the building next to hers. I see her all the time. Like I mentioned, she's the only artist on earth that has the approval of both Robert Christgau & Margo Basset. Of course, only one of their opinions actually means anything.

32. Is there a song by 44 that makes you happy?

Most of The Libertines songs make me happy, but if I had to pick just one I'd go with "Don't Look Back Into The Sun," a b-side from their I Get Along EP. If The Replacements and Blur had a bastard child, it would be this song.

33. How did you get into 12?

I got into Wale completely on a whim. When I got back into hip-hop 5 or 6 years ago I was really just on that indie shit like the skinny, white, bearded walking cliche that I was. After a while I realized that their isn't any shame in liking mainstream hip-hop. I felt like Wale did a nice job of straddling that line, so I started downloading his mixtapes.

34. What is the worst song by 45?

I'm not going to say that any song from F. Stokes & Lazerbeak's Death Of A Handsome Bride is bad, but I suppose if I had to rank them I'd put the album opener "Too" as the "worst." I mean, it's acapella. Stokes kills it, but hip-hop without beats is like sex without a Smiths record (sorry, that's a joke for anybody who's actually slogging through this whole post).

35. What was the first song you ever heard by 34?

The first Descendents song I ever heard was "Coffee Mug" from the Punk-O-Rama 2 album that Epitaph put out way back in the day. Though it was a solid track, but when I saw the "When I Get Old" and "Lucky" videos over the next few months I was hooked.

36. What is the first song you ever heard by 15?

The first song I ever heard by Murs was "Bad Man." Thanks to my dude Phil for turning me on to 3:16: The 9th Edition. Still one of my favorite hip-hop albums.

37. How many times have you seen 42 live?

Remarkably, I have never seen Dillinger Four live. I realize I just lost a ton of MPLS-cred points, but fuck! I mean, they only play twice and year and it's always at a sold out Trizziple Rock. Plus, I had to work, I ran out of gas, my bike got stolen, the busses weren't running and I had holes in my shoes! It wasn't my fault!

38. What is you favorite song by 36?

My favorite Felt song is "Gangster Ass Anthony." Just Slug and Murs boasting over a lush Ant beat. I mean, this is pretty much why they created this Felt thing anyway, right?

39. What was the first song you ever heard by 28?

The first Bloc Party song I remember hearing is "I Still Remember" from A Weekend In The City. Remarkably, I got through all of the hype about Silent Alarm without ever actually hearing it. Regardless, if you want to turn someone on to Bloc Party, play "I Still Remember." I feel like that one is destined to be on any "100 Greatest English Love Songs" list that NME feels like publishing.

40. What is you favorite album by 7?

You know, for years I considered Parklife my favorite Blur album but you know which one I put on when I'm in a "Blur" mood? Think Tank. I maintain that this is one of the most underrated albums of the 2000's. They were forced to take a slightly different approach after Graham Coxon left and they kinda became Radiohead-light, like Coldplay, only the exact opposite. They embraced the electronics and the sideways melodies of the Kid A/Amnesiac albums and filtered them through Damon Albarn's pop sensibilities. "Out Of Time," "Good Song," & "Battery In Your Leg" are all classics. And "Sweet Song" is in my top 10 songs of all time. Absolutely heartbreaking.

41. Is there a song by 31 that makes you happy?

Pretty much every Plastic Constellations song makes me happy, but I'll go with "Black Market Pandas" as the best of them (if only because I like yelling "South Minnesoooooottta!" in my car.

42. What is your favorite album by 41?

I think my favorite Alkaline Trio album is Good Mourning. It has a leg up because it was the first of their albums that I owned, so it became the bar.

This was the first album where they sanded off the rough edges and kinda made a pop album. I know this alienated some of their "punk" fan base, but, y'know, fuck them. Punks are dumb. And I love a good hook. Plus, it has "Blue Carolina," one of my favorite love songs ever.

43. What is your favorite song by 24?

I only have one Lifetime album, their self-titled comeback album. I suppose I would put the album opener "Northbound Breakdown" as my favorite.

44. What is a good memory you have involving 33?

Well, I didn't get into Lifter Puller until after they broke up, so I can't say I have many happy memories of them specifically. When I was living in NYC with no friends and no job, I did spend an inordinate amount of time trying to penetrate their epic storyline. And I wonder why I never actually made any friends out there.

This isn't really a memory, but I did use their template as the basis for that other thing that I write. This relationship will pay off eventually.

45. What is your favorite song by 35?

My favorite Stone Roses song is "I Am The Resurrection." If you think Kanye's mix of ego & insecurity is crazy, you should listen to Ian Brown. "I am the resurrection and I am the light, I couldn't ever bring myself to hate you as I'd liiiii-iiiii-kkkeee..."

46. Is there a song by 9 that makes you happy?

There are plenty of Morrissey songs that make me happy. Fuck it, I'm picking two.

01. "You're The One For Me, Fatty" - What can I say? Listen to it. Tell me it doesn't make you happy.

02. "Such A Little Thing Makes Such A Big Difference" - Wildly underrated. And ode to the little, underappreciated things (and if you've heard my 'little things/big things' theory, you know why I appreciate it). And so dryly quotable.

"Such a little thing, a gentle tone of kindness, or written words on paper, can you write?"

47. What is your favorite album by 4?

My favorite Jay-Z album has always been The Blueprint. A hungry Jay-Z, a bunch of great beats (headlined by young and also hungry Kanye), and no guest stars (except a random Eminem appearance near the end)... I mean, what more could you want? Plus, "Heart Of The City (Ain't No Love)" is the greatest song Jay-Z will ever record (and you know he's got some classics).

48. Who is a favorite member of 39?

Who is my favorite member of Plain Ole Bill. Um, his sampler?

49. What is the first song you ever heard by 43?

I bough El-P's I'll Sleep When You're Dead without ever hearing him before, so the first song I heard was the album opener "Tasmanian Pain Coaster" w/The Mars Volta. Been hooked ever since.

50. What is your favorite album by 21?

My favorite Streets album, like most people, is A Grand Don't Come For Free, which is, inarguably one of the greatest hip-hop concept albums of all time. The story of the deceptions, the breakups, the fights, & the drugs while hovering in the British lower-middle class is bizarrely compelling.

Alright, I'm tired now. If you made it this far, thanks.

Caffeine & Obscenities #5

2011-01-05T00:55:00.005-05:00

Alright, I'm working under a bit of a time constraint, so we'll see how this goes.

File Under: It's Been Real, 2010

2010 started at a New Year's house party at which all the other party goers huddled together in the kitchen to figure out how to stop Phil & I (they failed). It ended with me sitting at the bar in a packed CC Club by myself, brandy ginger in hand, and looking at my own reflection in the mirror (although I spent the start of 2011 having a conversation at said bar with someone who has the potential to become a good friend). Honestly, that sounds about right. The question I have to ask myself is, was 2010 a good year or not? Let's break it down.

Pro: Margo is happy and healthy.

Con: I am no closer to my goal of owning a house with a backyard for her to romp around.

Pro: I have a job I thoroughly enjoy.

Con: I make just enough money to not die.

Pro: Phil turned up during the summer, allowing us to re-apply a coat of gold paint to MPLS.

Con: He didn't make it back for New Year's, meaning that coat of paint is fading.

Pro: I have made a bunch of new friends and even re-connected with some old ones.

Con: I would only rank one or two of my friendships as genuine.

Pro: At no point in 2010 did I set foot outside of Minnesota.

Con: Getting a little stir crazy in my 15 blocks.

Pro: Hair and beard coming in faster and ginger-er than ever.

Con: Interest from opposite sex inversely proportionate to hair growth.

Pro: Blueberry Taurus running like a dream.

Con: No real excuse to drive anywhere.

Pro: I've learned how to use my cooking skills to maximize my dollar.

Con: Poverty line diet has me weighing less than I did in high school.

Pro: Averaged 1.25 blog posts per month in 2010.

Con: That's still incredibly lazy.

Pro: I'm still roommate free.

Con: ...

Pro: Year four of veganism and more vegan friends.

Con: ...

Pro: Margo & I get recognized around Uptown by strangers.

Con: ...

Pro: I'm still hopelessly in love with MPLS

Con: ...

Final Verdict: 2010: Best year ever.

File Under: Facebook Status Of The Week That Made Me Want To Kill Myself

"I Believe that everything happens for a reason, that we push people away not always because we want to but because we're scared & I believe that pushing that person away doesn't mean you love them any less even though they might end up not loving you at all. I Believe that everyone has ONE soul-mate, only one, and even if you let that ONE go, you will find your way back to eachother."

File Under: Tweet That Reaffirmed My Desire To Live

@CoryGrindberg: Mawfucker gave me a look as I emerged from the trees so I barked at him. #TrueStory #ThatJustHappened

File Under: Video Of The Week

This one comes from Murs & Terrace Martin's new project Melrose. I have never had any desire to be in Los Angeles and this video doesn't change that, but ya'll know I love these hometown pride songs.

Alright, Caffetto says time's up. If Spiekerboxxx hold up I'll be back with a January playlist soon. Later.

Caffeine & Obscenities #4

2010-12-14T21:40:00.007-05:00

Damn, have I really been slipping so badly that I haven’t posted anything since the start of baseball’s postseason? Between lack of money, a sporadically functioning Spiekerboxxx and some real life adventures I guess writing’s been on the back burner for a minute. I’m slipping in my old age. My apologies, loyal readers… er… reader… er… Mom. Alright, what have I missed…

File Under: And Ya Say Twins’ City (Update)

Fuck you, New York City.

File Under: It’s Minnesota, Man, You’re Face’ll Freeze Fast

Well, winter’s here for real. Two significant snow storms, one killer ice storm, & the eighth biggest blizzard in the history of Sota in the last 3 weeks have reminded us all once again just what kind of price you have to pay if you want to live in the greatest city modern man has ever built. Take a look at this picture of the corner of Lyndale & Franklin.

That's what the busiest intersection in Uptown looked like at 6:00 in the afternoon last Saturday. Saturday! Shit was reeeeaaal. No big thing though. Margo and I were able to cope with the snow just fine.

She's a Middle-West hound she knows how to handle these things. Take a look at what the snow did to the in-no-way-beloved MPLS skyline eyesore that is the HHH Metrodome

Aerial View:

You said you're looking for the real? Well that's as real as it gets.

You know what, though? I love that first real cold snap every year. That first snow of the year always makes me feel like a little kid again. For years now I’ve had a theory that these bitter Minnesota winters are a very important part of what makes Minneapolis the greatest city on Earth. Think about it:

It kills pretension: I see this a lot living in South Minneapolis. I spend all summer surrounded by dudes in Fedoras and girls wearing these ridiculous skirt/boot combinations. However, once the snow falls and the temps get below 20, it’s all practicality. It’s hard as fuck to look cool when you’re forced to wear long-underwear, hair-flattening hats, and huge, body-concealing jackets. Function over fashion is the name of the game for the next 5 months.

It filters: Even if they were born here, you can quickly tell which of your friends are in it for the long haul and which will leave first chance they get. Don’t get me wrong, we all bitch about the weather, but if you have a friend who starts lamenting how it never snows in Seattle or how we’re all, “stupid for living here,” you can be sure you’ll be trading cross-country e-mails with this person within 3 years.

It creates an unique sense of community: Based on my experience living in New York and stories I’ve heard from people who’ve come to MPLS, it’s become clear that the Twin Cities is the biggest small town in America. Everyone knows everyone. I’ve always been a firm believer that winter plays a larger role in this than anyone wants to admit.

Ya see, the fact that we all have to slog through this together is the equivalent of going through a tiring, stressful, endurance test with a group of people (Chilean miners come to mind, although I realize that’s a stretch). You instantly have a common ground, a shared experience. You can walk into any bar or coffee shop and everyone in the building will look at you with a knowing glance like, “You braved that shit for brandy and/or coffee too, huh?” The morning after the first snow storm I was walking to my car. As I walked the two blocks I passed at least three people out shoveling their sidewalks. Each one of them stopped to let me pass, looked at me, and gave me a knowing, “Alright, here we go again,” nod. In a state filled with so much passive, Minnesota-Niceness, these small gestures shouldn’t be discredited.

If you catch me on the right night with the right amount of brandy in my system, I’ll be more than happy to expand on this theory until you tell me to shut the fuck up.

File Under: Life’s A Holiday

So, I fucked up pretty badly this Thanksgiving. I was supposed to drive to Brooklyn Center (Brooklyn Park?) to meet up with my family for Thanksgiving dinner. Due to circumstances it was the first Thanksgiving I can remember that wasn’t going to be held at my Grandma’s house. My cousin Sheila and her husband David were nice enough to host.

I was supposed to turn up around noon. This turned out to be more difficult than I anticipated due to a PM Grocery tradition that couldn’t be neglected. Namely, every Thanksgiving Eve we go to Red Dragon and drink Fog Cutters until getting home is a struggle (and keep in mind, this bar is ON my block). Well, too many Fog Cutters did me in and I wasn’t able to drag my ass out of bed and over to whichever suburb I was supposed to get to.

Obviously, I felt pretty terrible, but in all honesty, I didn’t feel completely terrible. I love my family to death. Mom, Dad, Corrie, Sam, Annie, Baby Sam, Erin, Todd, & Will: I’m really sorry I didn’t make it over there. It’s been too long since I’ve seen you (and yes, I realize Erin & Todd weren’t there, but my point remains). However, up here in MPLS, Margo is my family. Obviously, those of you I just mentioned, I’d love to see anywhere at any place at any time. Just don’t forget, Margo and I walk around Uptown together, slog through work weeks together, share meals and share a bed. Spending my holiday with her was absolutely lovely.

Quick random list of things I’m thankful for this year:

01. Margo Basset

02. First Avenue

03. Blueberry Taurus

04. Randy Moss

05. Fifth Element

06. Grain Belt Premium

07. St. Paul

08. Brent Burns

09. Twitter

10. CC Club

Quick random list of things I’m not thankful for this year:

01. Associated Bank

02. Brad Childress

03. New York Yankees/Rangers/Knicks/Jets/Giants/Mets

04. Jukeboxes W/Internet Access

05. Whoever Stole My Bike

06. RT Rybak’s 6 Week Snow Emergency

07. Al Franken/Norm Coleman/Tom Emmer/Mark Dayton

08. Facebook

09. Justin Morneau’s Marshmallowy Soft Skull

10. The Cities Of New York, Seattle, Portland, Chicago, Vancouver, & Madison

File Under: I Ain’t Gotta Power Trip

But I will! I haven’t picked up the new album yet (hopefully it’s downloading as I post this), but just watch this Kanye West performance of “Power” from SNL. Some love it or hate it shit. You know where I stand.

File Under: Valley Of Apples

Oddly, since I’ve been back in MPLS, I’ve seen very little of my pre-NYC friends. I wish I could say this has more to do with me being busy up here, but, truthfully, I’ve just been kind of an asshole. Meh, what can you do?

However, over the last few weeks I’ve been spending lots of time down in Apple Valley hanging out with my old friend/cat lover/power-pop enthusiast/fellow East Coast refugee/new cooking partner Inga.

This is what we’ve been up to:

Seitan Picatta

Tater Tot Hotdish

Lemon Corn Waffles w/Scrambled Tofu

Chickpea Dal

Lasagna

All Vegan. All Fantastic. We put the kitchen on our backs, doo...

File Under: I’ll Still Smile

As most of you know, St. Paul rapper Eyedea (Mikey Larsen) died of a prescription drug overdose last month. I won’t waste time going over his accomplishments (and I certainly won’t be able to write anything as personal as Sage Francis’ obituary).

I saw Eyedea perform 5 times (Eyedea & Abilities reunion show at the TC Celebration Of Hip Hop, Fifth Element in-store for the release of By The Throat, a Turf Club show, the first Soundset, & at the Triple Rock w/Puppies & Ice Cream). Each of these shows was a genuinely inspiring experience. I’ve been to countless shows over the years. Most left me entertained (if not intoxicated). The rare few left me inspired (and also, probably, intoxicated). Each of these shows left me incredibly inspired. Eyedea was one of the rare artists I’ve seen up close and personal who reminded me that art is whatever you want it to be. Along with P.O.S., Lazerbeak, & The Cribs, his shows made me want to go home and become a better writer and a better person. For this, he’ll always have a special place for me. I won’t say something corny like, “I’ll miss him.” I will say, I was lucky to see him. Thanks.

Alright, I’ll try to go a little harder on my blogging grind. Later.

And Ya Say Twins' City!

2010-10-06T09:36:00.005-04:00

The Twin Cities sports landscape is looking a little bleak right now. The Vikings have been spinning their wheels for three weeks now and, even if the Randy Moss trade comes to fruition, are still facing an uphill battle to make the playoffs. The Wild only won one preseason game and are starting the season on the other side of the world (more on that to come). And the Timberwolves’ season actually peaked two days ago with a preseason win over the Lakers.

However…

The Twins playoff series against the New York Yankees starts tonight! I have absolute faith that this is the year that the Twins get over this hurdle and beat the Yankees in the postseason.

Why? Five reasons:

01. The Twins have solid pitching from their starters to their closers. Liriano, Pavano, Duensing, & Blackburn may not instill fear into the Yankees lineup, but they are remarkably consistent and aren’t afraid to put the ball in play. At the other end, Jesse Crain and Matt Capps have turned into one of the best 8^th-9^th inning combos in the league.

02. The Twins have Target Field on their side. October in Minneapolis ain’t nothin’ to fuck with. Fortunately, we’ll be riding the bat of Smokin’ Joe Mauer, who was born and raised in these winters. What’s 45 degrees to me, homey? Plus, the shine of the new stadium is just too much. The story of the new stadium and it’s World Series win will be a story we tell our kids (well, a story YOU tell your kids. That ain’t my style. I’ll tell Basset about it).

03. The Yankees have grown fat and complacent. After winning a championship last year, the desire and drive isn’t where it needs to be this time of year.

04. The “Big Four” of the Yankees (Pettite, Jeter, Rivera, & Posada) are all over 35 and dealing with the inevitable consequences of getting older, slower, fatter, slower, dumber, & fatter.

05. Lastly, man, fuck some Yankees! We’re due!

Alright, let’s break this down position by position and see who has the edge:

Catcher: Bro Mauer vs. Jorge Posada

Mauer: Conceived, born, & educated behind home plate.

Posada: As a child, Posada used to steal fruit from the market in his hometown. When confronted by his mother, he threw an apple at her. Of course, the throw was 3 feet short and 6 feet two her left, leaving her standing up, completely safe.

First Base: Kid Cuddy vs. Mark Teixeira

Cuddy: Has played every position in the Twins organization, including pitching, catching, manager, first base coach, pitching coach, bus driver, uniform launderer, and PED-dealer-keeper-awayer. Because of his devotion to the team, management has asked him repeatedly to please, “slow his roll,” to which he’s angrily responded, “Fuck that!”

Teixeira: After leaving Texas to sign with the Yankees after the 2008 season, Teixeira was heard claiming that the only thing that was “bigger in Texas” was the women. Of course, this never really bothered him as he has no interest whatsoever in women.

Second Base: O-Dogg vs. Robinson Cano

O-Dogg: Just ‘scited man! Keep it loose, lil’ rowdy! Man, gets cold, but I ain’t sweat, nawww, not O-Dogg!

Robinson Cano: Has made millions of dollars while playing and living in New York City, yet refuses to buy an MTA card. Rather, he waits until rush hour to push through doors that have been propped open by handicap (and fully paying) patrons.

Shortstop: J.J. Hardy vs. Derek Jeter

Hardy: Acquired from Milwaukee during the offseason for Carlos Gomez. Hasn’t quite lived up to expectations, however, the drop off is understandable, as this season was his first experience living in a major Midwestern city.

Jeter: Captain Clutch had career lows in batter average, RBI’s, and on-base percentage. Also, he dated Mariah Carey. No, really.

Third Base: Danny Valencia vs. Alex Rodriguez

Valencia: During the AL Central-clinching party, CF Denard Span said of Danny Valencia, “Watch out ladies, Danny’s out on the town tonight.”

Rodriguez: Has never actually showered in front of teammates because years and years of abusing performance enhancing drugs have left his testicles as shriveled as a Nevada Boxing Commissioner’s.

Left Field: Deltron vs. Brett Gardner

Deltron: Finally living up to the potential he’s scratched at for years. Plus, he has a Misfits tattoo (leading to the “Delmon Young Fiend Club” and bridging the gap between hipster jerk-offs and bros). During the clinching celebration he claimed that, “This is the best time of the year. Poppin’ bottles.” I would like to hang out with Deltron.

Gardner: What the fuck is a “Brett Gardner?”

Center Field: Denard Span vs. Curtis Granderson

Span: Seems to be aligning himself quite nicely with the tradition left behind by center fielders Kirby Puckett and Torii Hunter. He’ll likely go down as second on the list, just ahead of Hunter, as he can grow a full beard and has actually not swung at every face-high fastball he’s ever seen.

Granderson: The former Tiger seems to lack the motivation and drive to succeed in the postseason thanks to the peace of mind he’s gained from seeing only three boats on fire on the streets of The Bronx, as opposed to the daily boat burnings he witnessed in Detroit.

Right Field: Twitches Kubel vs. Nick Swisher

Kubel: Has a remarkable knack for coming through in the clutch despite twitching he’s been mainlining Starbucks.

Swisher: The broiest bro who ever broed. Swisher carries twice as much luggage on road trip as any other Yankee, filling an extra two bags with hair gel, roofies, Coors Light, Axe Body Spray, and Ed Hardy t-shirts.

DH: Jim Thome vs. Lance Berkman

Thome: A revelation this year, leading the Twins in home runs and becoming a charming, gentlemanly fan favorite.

Berkman: Looks a lot like that guy who kept calling your mother after she and your dad split up, doesn’t he?

Starting Pitchers:

Twins:

Francisco Liriano: Once waited at the airport for 45 minutes to pick up his sister, even though his sister texted him and said she’d be delayed and she’d just catch a cab.

Carl Pavano: Everyone in New York hates him. Yes, that goes in the plus column, as everybody knows New Yorker’s are self-centered assholes with no taste and no appreciation for anything they can’t latch onto and suck like leeches.

Brian Duensing: Has never tipped less than 15%. Even on coffee.

Nick Blackburn: I had a friend who did some intern work at the STrib and she told me that Nick Blackburn is the only Twin who isn’t a bro. No truth to the rumour that he listens to Ratatat to get pumped up for starts.

Yankees:

C.C. Sabathia: Once tried to grill and eat a “Brett Gardner.”

Andy Pettite: Has dutifully tried to help teammate Alex Rodriguez make peace with his steroid-abuse-based shrunken testicles by constantly showing off his own steroid-abuse-based shrunken testicles.

Phil Hughes: Had his name in the rumours of potential Johan Santana trade that eventually fell through. Never quite got over the prospect of living in the greatest city modern man has ever built.

Closers: Matt Capps vs. Mariano Rivera

Capps: Came over from Washington in the middle of the season, got a save in his first game, and said, “I’m just so excited to be in Minnesota. The fans, the stadium… Minneapolis is great.” 50 years ago we took your team, this year we took your closer. Hope you enjoyed Christian Guzman.

Rivera: The greatest closer in postseason history. Hates puppies.

Prediction: Twins in four.

Series MVP: Deltron (3 HR, 9 RBI, 2 Outfield Assists, at least one shouting match with Yankee fans, and more popped bottles than anyone this side of Gucci Mane.)

Get on the bandwagon now! When the Twins with the World Series we’re tipping over the 7.

Flatbasset-October '10

2010-10-05T17:49:00.030-04:00

I'm a couple of days late. I had this playlist all ready to go on the 1st and then got caught up in an epic weekend. I'm back at it now, though. This is one of the better playlists I've put together, so click it, type the numbers, slap it on your iPod and go take in Minnesota's most beautiful time of year.

Flatbasset-October '10

I'll bet you thought I forgot about this one, huh?

01. Central Services – What Would God Do?

Central Services was an NYC-based collaboration between El-P (beats) & the late Camu Tao (vocals). Sadly, Camu died last year just before his solo debut came out.

As you can kind of tell from this track (and can certainly tell from the whole Forever Frozen In Television Time EP), Camu was essentially TV On The Radio before TV On The Radio. The beats are menacing (I mean, it is EL-P), but Camu’s weird, abstract harmonies deserve the credit for making these songs. I downloaded it for free at the Strange Famous Records website. You should too.

02. School Of Seven Bells – Heart Is Strange

School Of Seven Bells is made up of the guy who left The Secret Machines (and, fortunately, all their prog-rock pomposity) and a pair of twin girl singers.

I put this one on the mix because my dude J-Bird and I went and caught their show down at 7^th St. just a couple of days before I put the mix together. I really want to like this band more, but, even after the live show, I find them firmly entrenched as a “shuffle” band. Each song on both of their albums stands up on its own, but taken as a whole it all kinda blends together. This song is the perfect example. The harmonies are great, it has a good melody, the guitar & drum machine are a nice canvas, but I never get the sense that anyone is letting go, y’know? As a whole, the albums feel like they were constructed just a little too well, with every mistake (if that’s what you call them, I call them personality) airbrushed away.

03. Descendents – When I Get Old

This song came out in 1996, when I was a 14 year old just getting into punk rock. I’m now twice that age and rediscovering punk rock. I now know what it’ll be like when I get old.

Sidenote: I will always kiss my girlfriend and try to grab her ass.

04. Big Boi – Shine Blockas (w/Gucci Mane)

I don’t even know what to say about this song. It’s probably my favorite song of 2010. The beat shines so hard, Big Boi crushes it, and Gucci perfectly delivers the hook. No song will change your mood from angry to awesome as fast as this one.

Sidenote: Gucci has now appeared on as many Flatbasset mixes as Morrissey. Take that for what you will.

05. New Century Masters – Gentry Pines

Favorite Minnesota Current Song Of The Day from September. New Century Masters sounds like the name of some kind of long lost pop band from the 60’s (the type of shit my girl Inga would dig out of the vinyl bin for $1.79). Perhaps I shouldn’t have been surprised when their sound actually matched their name. Hook, hook, keyboard, chorus, do-do-do… and back again. You all know I’m guilty of loving a good hook and this (and the Jukebox The Ghost song at the end) are more exhibits to add to the collection.

06. Phatnumber – Don’t Get Weary

Phatnumber is actually a friend of mine. He’s a producer that was born in Sota, lived in Arizona for a bit, and has been back in the TC for quite a while now. Due to his incredibly good nature, he passed along a disc full of his beats for me to vibe with. Let me tell you, “Don’t Get Weary” is just the tip of the iceberg. Perfect music for rolling down Lyndale in September with the windows down and the stereo up.

Sidenote: Be sure to grab this mp3 if you’re digging it, because it might be a minute before this shit gets out to the general public.

07. R.E.M. – Imitation Of Life

You know how sometimes you’ll go on kicks for a couple of weeks where some artist just sounds awesome? And then a couple more weeks will pass and you’ll wonder what you were on? R.E.M. is that band for me. A couple of times a year I really, really love this band. The rest of the year they just annoy me.

However, “What’s The Frequency, Kenneth?” “(Don’t To Back To) Rockville,” & “Imitation Of Life” always sound awesome to me. Pretty much all of R.E.M.’s post-2000 material gets torn up by critics. They’re mostly right, as the whole albums are pretty dull. But taken as a stand alone single this is a sugar rush.

08. Kanye West – Power (Remix) (w/Jay-Z)

At this point, you all probably just expect Kanye West on the mixes. I probably shouldn’t even try to explain it anymore. Jay’s verse ain’t so hot, but the track makes up for it in its last third when Yeezy freaks the fuck out over Funkmaster Flex’s beat. Love it or hate it, man. I can’t sell it any better than Kanye himself.

09. Lifter Puller – I Like The Lights

This one is a Twin Cities classic. Half Dead & Dynamite is not my favorite thing that Lifter Puller ever did, but some nights I’m convinced it’s the greatest rock ‘n roll album ever recorded.

10. The Queers – Punk Rock Girls

Remember what I said earlier about rediscovering punk rock? Case. In. Point.

Sidenote: I still wish they could all be punk rock girls.

11. Young Jeezy – My President (w/Nas)

"Woke up this morning, headache just pound, pay all these damn bills, feed all this damn hound..."

12. Interpol – Try It On

Have you noticed how each of Interpol’s records, when compared with its predecessor, is good but not quite as good. Interpol isn’t quite as good as Our Love To Admire. OLTA isn’t quite as good as Antics. And Antics isn’t quite as good as Turn On The Bright Lights. When you have a couple of years between records, you’re mostly just excited for a new Interpol record. However, have you tried comparing Interpol to TOTBL? Good god! These dudes have really fallen off.

13. Ratatat – Fix Up (w/Dizzee Rascal)

First of all, if you have a friend who doesn’t like Ratatat, you should be immediately suspicious of them.

Second, I love British hip-hop.

Dear Ratatat, please remix more British hip-hop.

14. Jukebox The Ghost – Empire

British pop music is more addictive than caffeine & PCP combined...

15. Atmosphere – The Loser Wins

I’m sure you know I don’t particularly enjoy saying this, but Atmosphere’s new To All My Friends/Blood Makes The Blade Holy album is pretty awful. I understood having a live band on tour (especially when Nate the guitar player has turned up on a bunch of tracks already), but this record sounds dangerously close to Ben Harper territory. Was Ant even around for this album? I remember going to bat for that song “Guarantees” a while back when someone said it sounded like Jack Johnson. After hearing this latest album, I feel like I didn’t have a leg to stand on.

I put this track on here because it speaks to me personally. I’ve always tried to keep an open mind when I meet new people. I’ve tried to find common ground and build friendships with people for years now. Over the last year however, I’ve watched some of my post-NYC friendships come and go amid all kinds of bad circumstances. Cynical though it may be, I’ve learned that I really do need to get better at choosing friends.

Caffeine & Obscenities #3

2010-09-30T00:34:00.009-04:00

Back again after a much better week. No, I still don't have any money. Yes, I have even fewer friends than I began the week with (well into single digits now). Yes, I had too much brandy and posted a bunch of shit on Facebook that I probably shouldn't have. Yes, Margo is still the love of my life. For whatever reason I feel like I came out ahead this week. Who am I to argue with some good vibes?

File Under: Throw Your Fuckin' Hands Up

So, if you're my friend (or fulfilling a familial obligation), you took the time to read the 1600 words I cranked out about Lazerbeak down below. You know who else was kind enough to take the time to read them? Lazerbeak himself!

On what was probably one of the most stressful days of his life, he took the time to glance at it. That alone is more than enough to satisfy me. However, after I posted it, he got at me on Twitter & and invited me down to the show. In an incredibly nice gesture, he put me on the guest list. So, not only do I get to go to the show, I get to roll up like a baller and tell whoever's working the ticket counter that, "I'm on the list." I mentioned it below, but the members of the Doomtree posse are the nicest people in the world. I love MPLS.

File Under: Yeah, This Is Happening

As most of you know, I am a die hard fan of the hockey tradition of the playoff beard. I know, I know, Travis, you always have a beard. True. But whenever the Wild are in the playoffs I shave the night before it starts and continue to grow it until the Wild are eliminated. You should have seen me in 2003.

Well, with the Twins clinching a postseason birth, a couple of my co-workers and I have embraced a new twist on the playoff beard: The Pav-Stache.

That's Twins pitcher Carl Pavano. He's having his best year in a decade. Incidentally, it's also his first year rocking a mustache. Coincidence? Dude's say, "Yeah Right!"

So, in support of the Twins (and finding new avenues of expressing my own baller habits), it's come to this:

Yup, Flatbasset going harder than anyone else in this city. I can hear the haters from here.

File Under: Did You Say ANTERIOR!?!

In a preseason game in St. Louis last week, Wild goaltender Josh Harding, who is still recovering from hip problems, had Brad Boyes pushed onto him and tore both his ACL & MCL, effectively ending his season. This is a tough break for a kid who's been a good soldier in the backup role for years. Honestly, I've gotten to the point where I think he's a much better goalie for the Wild's patented, "Fuck it, I'm pinching" defensive strategy. He's more mobile and more athletic than Niklas Backstrom, who tends to rely on angles and numbers rather than flat-out talent.

Obviously, this is a tough blow. Adding insult to injury, there's a rumour floating around that the Wild are in talks with still-a-free-agent-despite-a-Hart-Trophy Jose Theodore. Please, do not put me through this, Cliff Fletcher. Despite the fact that he would instantly become my friend Sarah's favorite Wild player, he's lost it. The days of him springing from post-to-post for highlight reel saves are long gone. Dude lost his job to rookie Simyon Varlamov a couple of years ago while playing for the Cup contending Capitals. I mean, look at this Glamour Shot:

Not only that, but dude's been photographed making out with Paris Hilton! Tell me Anton Khudobin isn't up to this challenge. Look at his pic and tell me which guy you'd rather have behind you on the ice.

Don't do this to me, Cliffy. Don't.

That's about all I got right now.

Quote Of The Week: "I guess we'll have to be social piranhas." - Two random dudes at the CC Club who couldn't find seats. Step ya vocab game up.

If The Day Does To You What The Day Does To Me...

2010-09-28T22:15:00.004-04:00

If you’ve been downloading my playlists for the last year, you know that my love of Doomtree is a poorly concealed secret. Since the day I bought P.O.S.’s Audition album on a whim, it’s a love affair that I’ve only gotten deeper and deeper into. By now I’ve been to several Blowouts, countless CD release shows, and met just about everyone in the collective (all of whom are even friendlier than you could imagine). In fact, to this day Dessa is the only artist in my iPod who has also pet my dog.

Well, the spine of the Doomtree collective is the people behind the beats. Paper Tiger, MK Larada, P.O.S., Cecil Otter, & Lazerbeak provide an always stellar backdrop for the MC’s to shine. Today, one of those producers is stepping out on his own.

Aaron Mader has been part of the Twin Cities music scene as long as I’ve been aware of the scene. We all know, love, and miss The Plastic Constellations. Their tightly wound guitar attack coupled with that bizarre hip-hop lyrical style was something that only the Twin Cities could have created (and, probably, only the Twin Cities could have embraced). As part of TPC, Mader played a big role in helping bridge the gap between indie rock kids and hip hop kids.

(Quick TPC sidenote: Sadly, I wasn’t able to make it to the TPC reunion show a few months back. My man Jesse went though and told me that people were throwing up the Wings & Teeth the whole show. So much for not being known for ex-members. Regardless, TPC, motherfucker, cop a feel or two.)

To help scratch that hip-hop itch fully, Mader christened himself “Lazerbeak” and started making beats with the fledgling Doomtree crew, which has gone a long way to helping redefine Twin Cities hip-hop as more than just Atmosphere (and if you’ve checked my last.fm page, you know I’m not hating. I’ve got nothing but love for Atmosphere).

Lazerbeak’s solo album Legend Recognize Legend comes out today and in celebration of its release, I’m counting down my Top 10 Lava Bangers. We keep it live, live, live…

First, 5 Bonus Lava Bangers:

15. Doomtree – Drumsticks

14. Mike Mictlan & P.O.S. – Shux

13. Dessa – Dutch

12. Doomtree – Coup For The King

11. F. Stokes – Soul Clap

Alright, Top 10. Turn ya headphone joints up.

10. P.O.S. – Let It Rattle (from Never Better)

I’ve spent so many words on this blog talking about my love for this album that I’m not going to get into it all again. It’s easily the most important album to me personally that’s come out in my adult life. Besides that, it’s a wrecking ball. The album has a bizarre dark/positive/punishing vibe to it and all of that is set up by this opening track. With its echoing voices, hammer of the gods drums, and quiet/loud/quiet/loud/louder/reallyquiet/loudest structure that pushes and pulls until it climaxes with P.O.S. reminding Steve Buscemi that he’s out of his element. Really, it’s the perfect way to introduce one of the most complex hip-hop albums of the decade.

09. Sims & Dessa – The Wren (from Doomtree)

While I don’t envy any producer charged with following “Gander Back,” Beak’s “The Wren” is just the left turn that Doomtree’s self-titled album needed after an intro and a couple of rap-boast tracks. Sims and Dessa paint a obtuse-yet-accurate portrait of failed relationships, although it never comes off that they were the two dating. More like two friends lamenting their own break ups over drinks, but not really talking to each other, more just talking to hear themselves say it out loud.

Lazerbeak structures the perfect backdrop for that type of conversation. The horn climaxes sounding both liberating and angry, helping frame the perplexing questions and lack of answers that with any relationship conversation.

08. Mike Mictlan & Omaur Bliss – Young Hunger (from Hand Over Fist)

This one is less about lyrical content (although Mictlan, as usual, absolutely kills it, and Omaur Bliss delivers a fine hook. I remember these three killing this one live at the CD release show) and more about that crazy guitar bit during the verses. I know it’s hard, since Mike’s going like a freight train, but try to listen to that guitar under the verses. Just listen to it! I can just picture Beak sitting in his house shredding his guitar and then looping, shredding, looping, over and over until it sounds like hip-hop & metal never heard of Fred Durst. Also, acknowledge that flute. Always acknowledge the flute.

07. Mike Mictlan & Dessa – Kid Gloves (from Doomtree)

One of the best live tracks Doomtree performs. Those horns fade in like your neighbor is next door listening to a Chuck Mangione record. Then they drop out for that killer bassline during the verses. As you’ve probably noticed a pattern developing, the song tops out hard at the end. I can’t help but think this is a lesson Lazerbeak learned during all those years in TPC. While most guitar bands end with a climax of guitar freakout, Lava Bangers are the hip-hop equivalent, hitting hardest at the end and leaving you wondering what you just witnessed.

06. P.O.S. – Purexed (from Never Better)

I’m basically out of things to say about this song. Just listen to it. Those keyboards that come in during the second half of each verse are the aural equivalent of looking at a world of stars through a clear, cold night.

05. Sims – 15 Blocks (from Lights Out Paris)

Easily the most laid back of the Lava Bangers on this list (Lava Lounger?). This is one of those great hip-hop tracks where the lyrics and beat match each other perfectly. That keyboard perfectly matches the feeling of walking and trying to cope with your struggles. They loop back and forth like an idea that you can’t quite shake, but you know dwelling on it won’t get you anywhere. Then the guitars start chopping around, equating the anger you’re bound to feel with yourself for not being able to let said idea go.

04. F. Stokes – Tickle Me Mars (from Death Of A Handsome Bride)

First off, this is easily the most slept-on hip-hop album to come out in the last 5 years. Beak’s beats kill and F. Stokes brings his A game throughout. Absolutely go get it now.

“Tickle Me Mars” is the rollicking freakout closer of the album and it’s like nothing else in the Lazerbeak catalog. It’s like when they sat down, they had the beats for the rest of the album and someone said, “Hey, what about that crazy beat you been working on?” It works brilliantly, somewhere between Doomtree and Outkast’s “B.O.B.” It’s just too easy to picture Lazerbeak sitting at home mashing the button his MPC that says “Mars” over and over with a dastardly smile on his face.

03. Lazerbeak – Legend Recognize Legend (from False Hopes 13)

As far as I know, up until today this was the only track released that was credited solely to Lazerbeak. It’s two minutes of a producer just killing it, making you wonder why MC’s are necessary to begin with. Honestly, when I heard Beak was going to put out a solo album I was hoping it would sound like 45 minutes of tracks like this. Sampling Jay-Z is always a good choice. I’ve seen Beak perform when he has that gunshot noise on the MPC and it always kills (no pun intended).

(NYC Sidenote: When I was living in New York Phil came and visited me while on leave from the Navy. Phil and I have a special set of inside jokes that are ours alone (as most male friends do). Thanks to this song, our phrase for the week was, “Yeah-ya-ya-ya-yeah Chuuuch!” Not sure if that’s interesting or not, but it meant something to us.)

02. Mike Mictlan – Prizefight (from Hand Over Fist)

The closing track from their collaborative album, Mike Mictlan & Lazerbeak sum up their story in just over four minutes with a song good enough to make you relate to them and make you want to go out and fight your own fight. The beat creates a jungle of noise as Mictlan tells his story of finding his way out of said jungle. The way the beat slides from that flute-y line into the horns and then into the sped up sample of the chorus is a perfect backdrop for Mictlan’s autobiographical struggles.

This alone would be enough to make the song an absolute banger, but, even from the producer’s seat, Beak manages to inject himself lyrically into the track with the sped up, “Think I’m gonna throw away all the chains from my heart ‘cause lately I’ve been feeling like I’m free…” The song cracks back, only now the horns and flutes have been replaced by a single guitar and some banging drums. It’s almost like this was the seed of this upcoming solo albums, combining killer beats, poignant lyrics, any instrument under the sun and then back to the rock roots of a guitar solo. Vintage.

01. P.O.S. – Stand Up (Let’s Get Murdered) (from Audition)

As I mentioned up top, Audition was my introduction to the Doomtree community, so this track was my introduction to Lava Bangers. Honestly, the first time you go through Audition, it’s a tough listen (especially if you’re completely unfamiliar with DTR.). First, you have “Half-Cocked Concepts,” which is a great track, but if you bought the record expecting regular hip-hop, it’s a lot to process. Follow that with, “De La Souls,” an amazing track that, by featuring Greg Attonito, which helped me get my bearings as a punk kid trying to figure out the album. However, when those horns come blasting through the car speakers at the beginning of “Stand Up,” you’ll quickly realize that this isn’t just the self-conscious rap of De La Souls or the difficult genre-bending of “Half-Cocked Concepts,” it is a fully formed, supremely confident album that is ready to redefine exactly what “hip-hop” means. To this day, those three tracks, in that order, are the best introduction to the Doomtree universe.

Back to this track. The horns obviously speak for themselves. I don’t know any track that gets my adrenaline going within the first 10 seconds quite like this one. While the horns are the star of the show, much like MC’s are usually the star of a track, the crazy backward guitar solo near the last refrain acts as a metaphor for producers in general. It’s one last stroke of genius to remind you that, while MC’s may be the obvious star, it’s the producer (and the little things) that make a track stand up and murder.

So there you have it, my list of Top 10 Lava Bangers. Lazerbeak’s solo album, Legend Recognize Legend, comes out today and I sincerely hope everyone goes and picks it up. He has a CD release show this Friday at The Fine Line featuring Paper Tiger spinning, TPC reunion, and Beak and his Ensemble Of Legendz tackling the album. I won’t be able to make it (sadly, $10 is outside of my budget), but I highly encourage everyone to get there if you can.

I’ll leave you with two last Lazerbeak solo tracks.

First, the mp3 for lead single “Salt & Sea” (be sure to catch the last 1/3 of the song, when all the pieces come together.)

And here’s the video for “Land’s End.” Enjoy.

Caffeine & Obscenities #2

2010-09-24T19:54:00.004-04:00

Sorry for the delay this week. Rather than my usual Tuesday off I've been given today (Friday) off. Frankly, it's been a tough week. Too much rain, too much drinking, not enough contact with the outside world. At least I've had Margaret Basset to lean on.

File Under: Man, Fuck John Cusack

So, to pick up where I left off last week, I chose to be John Cusack rather than Young Jeezy when it came to that girl I was vibing with. As I said, I went with a romantic gesture (ala John Cusack in every movie he's ever made ever) to try to reconnect with her. We hadn't spoken for about a week so I thought I would try to reconnect by bringing her some lunch at her job. Like I said, it was more a practical gesture than a romantic one, but, if I were in her shoes and someone brought me lunch at work, it would win major points (free meals ain't nothing to fuck with).

Well, I walked up, brought her lunch, and chatted for a bit. It seemed to go well, but of course, that's really the only way it could go as she couldn't really say, "Hey, fuck right off" in the middle of a shop with people all over. I haven't seen or heard from her since.

The lesson: When faced with a situation where you could choose a Young Jeezy approach, always choose the Young Jeezy approach.

File Under: Get Stabbed

Here's a link to the article I'm referencing: http://www.citypages.com/2010-08-25/news/dangerous-dogs-of-north-minneapolis/

A couple of weeks back The City Pages ran a cover story called "Dangerous Dogs Of North Minneapolis." It was a typically biased affair, casting these dogs as "muscles with teeth" and reinforcing the notion that pit bulls are a violent breed of dog and letting their owners off the hook yet again.

Look, we've all taken basic Psychology courses that tackle the nature vs. nurture argument regarding human behavior. Despite the best efforts of psychologists, Dan Aykroyd, & Eddie Murphy, we have no definitive evidence which of these has a greater effect on the type of people we become. With animals, however, it's pretty damn clear. If you raise an animal to be kind toward humans, they will. If you train them to be violent, you'll get just that. At one point in the article, writer Erin Carlyle points out that,

"Pit bulls weren't always considered dangerous dogs-that honor has shifted from breed to breed throughout history. In the 1880s, bloodhounds tormented the populace. In the early 20th century, Newfoundlands were the canine terrors. By the 1960s and 1970s German Shepherds and Doberman Pinschers led the pack, until Rottweilers took over in the '90s. And today it's pit bulls."

Obviously, these dogs were bred to be violent. I mean, Margo is a descendant of blood hounds! Can you picture Margos running the streets and attacking people? However, Carlyle spends the rest of the article telling horror stories of dogs who have been mistreated and trained to be violent, creating the illusion that every dog on the street is, "a ticking timebomb."

The article itself didn't upset me too much. I mean, it's The City Pages, you get what you pay for. The comments on the article (printed in the next week's issue) got me significantly wound up. A writer known only as "Lolo" left a long and thoughtful comment on his/her experience with a dangerous dog ("I had 160 stitches and have scars that have become part of my identity") and his/her response to that traumatic experience ("My experience traumatized me, yes, but I was traumatized by people. I don't fear or had dogs, or the breed that bit me, because it really wasn't his fault, it was the owners. I have also been rescued and protected by dogs, and in all my experiences the basic fact I have learned is how fickle humans can be.")

Despite this experience, "Lolo" went on to adopt a pit bull who was, "a runt; she was intended to be sold as a fighting dog, kept in a basement, about to e killed because of her size, her claws ripped out and tail banded until it fell off..." "Lolo" goes on to tell how this rescued dog is now a "'big spoon' cuddle bug and an obsessive licker."

"Lolo," I admire you with all my heart. You're one of the good people in the world and I would happily buy you a drink if I ever met you.

However, someone referring to himself only as "Mungo" left the following response to "Lolo's" thoughtful comment.

"I can't believe how many people come out to defend dogs that maim kids. There are bad dogs. They bit kids in the face and attack postmen. They have bad owners. They are dogs, not people, and they need to be put down. Lolo-it would be one thing if you were only puttingn yourself in danger. But you're not-you're also endangering everyone around you by keeping that dog around. The fact that you were attacked once doesn't mean your actions are justified."

Mungo, you and those as ill-informed as you are the problem. You said it yourself, "They are dogs, not people." As has been proven over and over, nurture wins over nature with animals. Treat them well and they will treat you well. I hope that when you die you die friendless and alone. And while you're lying in your casket, I hope the priest looks over and thinks, "My goodness, what an ugly suit."

File Under: And Ya Say Twin Cities!

Well, the Vikings lost again, the Wild got crushed in their first preseason game, the Gopher football team look like boys against men in the USC game, and the Timberwolves continue to exist. Tough week for sports.

However...

The Twins won the division! I have no great insight into this other than: Fuck Kansas City, Fuck Cleveland, Fuck Detroit, and Fuck Chicago! Especially Chicago! I'll show you the South Side gets down!

File Under: I Said Toast Motherfuckers!

I don't know who still watches MTV's Video Music Awards (or who watches MTV at all). Part of the problem with MTV is the fact that their aren't many compelling pop stars anymore. However, Kanye's one of the exceptions. Check out how he rolled at the VMA's this year.

Sorry for the quality of the video. MTV (showing just how forward thinking they are) always pulls this stuff off YouTube.

Ha! Amen, Mr. West.

File Under: Trying To Stay Relevant

Two of my favorite groups, The Killers and Gorillaz, have employed Lou Reed to collaborate on songs. My question to you is, which is better?

The Killers - Tranquilize vs. Gorillaz - Some Kind Of Nature

Tough call.

File Under: I Feel Invisible

A bunch of creative Bay Area folks have started a new blog at www.900bats.com. Lots of music and visual art. Producer Edison posted a mixtape on the site titles "A Slow Doom." It's a 28 minute instrumental and it is unreal. Put it on and go for a walk. It makes you feel like you're watching your life as a movie.

Edison - A Slow Doom

Quote Of The Week: "I don't hear a din, but there's definitely a smell I haven't smelled before." - Matthew Carroll on the CC Club

Caffeine & Obscenities #1

2010-09-18T13:21:00.009-04:00

(Cue your best Dr. Nick Riviera voice)

Hi Everybody!

Welcome to the inaugural installment of my new weekly posting series Caffeine & Obscenities. This is something I’ve been thinking about doing for a minute, but didn’t have the energy and/or hardware to make happen. Fortunately (or unfortunately if you take Minnesota for granted), cold weather is nearly upon us. Usually winter is when I’m at my most creative/angry/thoughtful/lost in my own head and I thought I’d try to spend this winter getting some of this stuff out on a regular basis.

Quickly, a big thanks to my sister for hooking me up with this new laptop, which shall here on out be known as The Spiekerboxxx. Sadly, anyone who gets the first half of that joke won’t get the second half, and vice versa.

At this point you’re probably asking yourself, “Why do this at all? Lord knows your monthly track lists are just about all of the Travis humour I can handle before a general sense of annoyance sets in.” Good question, thanks. I realized that most people who start up blogs use them for trivial posting. I’m not trying to hate on that. In fact, I’m jealous of the fact that most folks have access to their blogs in their house and are able to jot down 50-300 words about any subject that strikes their fancy. Anyone who follows me on Twitter should be able to vouch for the fact that I throw out random thoughts all the time. If I had ready access to my blog I promise they would be more thoroughly thought out and considerably less funny.

However, since I do not have internet access at my house, I find that whenever I do take the time to head down to Caffetto and get online, I get caught up posting track lists, reading up on pop music, reading up on ice hockey, and downloading as much music as humanly possible before my battery dies or 1 AM arrives. I rarely think about sitting down and writing something on the spot.

So that’s the motivation for this new feature. I plan on heading to Caffetto on Tuesdays (usually my day off), sucking down copious amounts of coffee and just throwing things against the wall to see what sticks. Some of it will be personal, some of it will be rambling, less of it will be well-informed, most of it will be biased, and all of it will be filled with obscenities. Damn, hell, ass obscenities.

(Quick sidenote: I know that swearing has been called a crutch for poor writers. I’m comfortable with that. If there are 7 words that accurately sum up Travis they are, “tall,” “skinny,” “vegan,” “surprisingly cute,” & “poor writer.”)

There you have it. If, at any point, you find yourself offended by what I write here, I would like to kindly point to the little white bar at the top of your screen containing the Flatbasset address. It’s easily navigable. Just click it, type www.(fillininteresthere).com, and press enter. I’ll even make a quick list for you.

01. www.brightcolors.com

02. www.shinythings.com

03. www.whattimeisit.com

04. www.thosespinningdancinghamsters.com

05. www.vancouvercanucks.com

There, 5 easy clicks that I’m sure will appeal to your no doubt respectable taste.

I also realize that it’s a foolish idea to plan on publishing a weekly blog post on the same day that both Greg Easterbrook and Lazerbeak publish theirs. But so what? I’m not scared of the two headed monster that is Grelazerg Easterbeak! Not now, not ever! By New Year’s, I’ll have used more parenthesis and dropped more f-bombs than the two of them have ever used, written, or spoken (that’s right, I’m counting spoken parenthesis).

And here… we… go.

File Under: Two Words

One of the big things going on in my neighborhood over the last couple of weeks has been the attempted rallying of people behind a cause known as the “Jimmy John’s Workers Union.” I’ve been asked by several people my age if I would like to wear a pin or buy a shirt supporting this upstart “union.” On all occasions, I have declined.

Why? Because I have little to no tolerance for Jimmy John’s or its employees. First things first, Jimmy John’s has no vegan options. I realize that is wildly biased, but you were warned. Under no circumstances would I support the corporate half of this fight.

So, then, why not? It’s been my experience that most of the people either A. Working at Jimmy John’s or B. Soliciting attention for this cause, are the kind of people who have no idea what type of situation they’re in. Most of you know my neighborhood. It’s populated by a healthy mix of young families that aren’t quite ready to abandon their “cool” and head for the suburbs (just go, please. If I have to listen to little Fritz or Moonbeam or Sundrip Honeypot cry and yell while I try to stock eggs one more time I’m bound to get arrested) and young, “cool” seeking folks who have no idea quite how difficult it is to scratch out a living. Let me say a thing or two about this group.

I know we’ve all seen the footage and stories of the sixties. Of “the man” trying to keep you down and of the power of music and speech. Here’s what you may be forgetting: That shit didn’t work out. I’m sorry that the other people in your band/biker gang/drunken posse don’t make enough on Jimmy John’s paychecks to keep up with their rampant sense of entitlement. However, you know what would send a much bigger message than using what little education and resources you have to chase some pie in the sky unionizing dream? Just quit! Walk the fuck away! You see, this is the great thing about America. If you don’t like your situation, you can leave! If they’re really paying wages nobody wants, then nobody will take those jobs and Jimmy John’s will come crying back, hike up the wages, and you can ride your precious fixie up and down Lake St. all winter delivering roast beef sandwiches and kettle chips to your hearts content.

However, if the wages are reasonable compared to the rest of the sandwich making industry (and considering the minimum wage hike and the amount of skill it takes to put pieces of meat in between two fucking slices of bread, I can’t help but assume they are), then someone else is going to step into that job. You know who that’s going to be? The kind of person who doesn’t take steady work for granted. The kind of person who realizes that nothing’s handed to you and maybe grinding away 40 hours a week to try to make ends meet is more noble than throwing a tantrum.

Aspiring Jimmy Hoffas, I have two words for you: Shut the fuck up.

(Quick Union Sidenote: I have a hard time believing these passionate unionists felt much solidarity with the NFLPA’s on field gestures last week. I have nothing to back that up. Just call it a hunch.

File Under: I Don’t Want To Get Punched In The Stomach

Alright, sports time. If you don’t like sports, either scroll down or click one of the links above (even the last one, as you clearly have no idea what hockey is supposed to look like). Last Thursday, the Vikings lost to the defending champion New Orleans Saints 14-9 in a rematch of last year’s NFC Championship game. No real shame in that. The Saints are a very good team, despite the fact that their quarterback looks like a 35 year old version of Phil.

Here’s what really gets me. BrettFavreBrettFavre was 15-27 passing while A.P. put up 19 carries for 87 yards.

Take a trip with me in the “way back” machine. Back about 58 weeks ago when the Vikings first signed BrettFavreBrettFavre. Everyone was super excited about the signing, even though 39 year old quarterbacks hold up to the rigors of the NFL about as well as Roberto Luongo holds up to springtime hockey. The thinking was, “Hey, we have a really great team here. We have the best running back in the universe, a great defensive line, a respectable secondary, we just need to find someone to replace this Sagevarias Jackenfels monster that keeps showing up on the practice field claiming to be a quarterback. Now, we don’t need someone great, we just need someone competent. We need someone who can come in, hand the ball off, throw a few 3^rd & 5 outs, and not completely embarrass us in a division that also features Jay Cutler and Matthew Stafford. We’ll ride our horse of a running back all the way to the Super Bowl!” And it nearly worked! However, the problem this plan left behind is two-fold.

01. When he wanted to, BrettFavreBrettFavre could still conjure up a little bit of his old gunslinger magic. The important thing was to remember that most of that was predicated on a running game that had to be respected. Favre was also forced to play this way whenever he was facing quality offensive teams and being forced to play catch up all game (i.e. last year’s Saints game), but certainly not every week. Favre was almost always up to the task. In & of itself, this isn’t really a problem until you remember that…

02. Brad Childress is involved.

Now, if Brad were here right now he would be denying that he has some insatiable kind of man lust with BrettFavreBrettFavre’s passing ability. Hell, he’d even deny the existence of the “way back” machine (despite the fact that we just stepped out of it). What he needs to admit (or have pounded into his head) is that the Vikings acquired Brett Favre to manage games, not win them on his own. Adrian Peterson is the alpha dog of this team (I mean, his nickname is “All Day” for Christ sake!). Now take a look at that stat line again.

A.P. is tearing off roughly 4 yards a carry while BrettFavreBrettFavre is struggling. Yet, when the Vikings got the ball back with about 9 minutes to play, what did Brad Childress do? He threw. He threw and he kept throwing despite the aforementioned two factors and the fact that keeping the ball on the ground and therefore keeping the clock running would have been fortuitous (unless, of course, he has no confidence that his defense could get a stop after a score, which is a point I’ll concede). Knock down those passing stats to 14-22, give A.P. 5 more carries and, if I’m a betting man, the Vikes win that game and my friend Mike isn’t forced to start in on the 2010 Vikings whiskey bottle for another week or two.

(BrettFavreBrettFavre sidenote: The Vikings last offensive play of the game was a 3^rd & 13 pass intended for newly acquired Greg Camarillo. Camarillo cut off his route by just a step and ended up just a step behind where Favre’s throw landed. Some people blamed Camarillo for cutting the route a step soon, but in his defense, he was in Miami last year. If Chad Henne was your quarterback you’d be looking for passes two feet behind you too.)

File Under: On The Other Side Of The Coin

Twins manager Ron Gardenhire is the anti-Childress in every respect. He’s candid, respected by his players, adored by Minnesota fans, and, y’know, successful.

To wit: Before spring training started, the Twins signed 20 year veteran slugger Jim Thome to a one year contract for about $1 million bucks (not much by MLB standards). The thinking was that, “This guys old, he’s had some injury trouble, but he may still have some pop left in his bat. Keep him on the bench, bring him in as a pinch hitter every now and then, keep him fit, and then, when September rolls around, he’ll feel fresher than he has in years and bring some veteran presence to the locker room.”

About halfway through the season, Twins first baseman Justin Morneau suffered a concussion and hasn’t returned. Being the savvy manager that he is, Gardenhire decided to move right fielder Michael Cuddyer to first base and rotated his outfielders rather than asking Thome, a natural first baseman, to try to suck it up and be “the guy” one last time.

Well guess what, Thome has been a force this last month, cranking game winning homers, climbing up the all time leader board, giving the young guys someone to crack “old man” jokes about, and becoming a fan favorite. And why did this work? Because Gardenhire had a plan and stuck to it. There’s a lesson to be learned here, but I’m sure Childress would not only fail to learn it, but deny its existence.

File Under: C’mon, dude…

Minnesota Wild forward James Sheppard broke his knee cap in an ATV accident in Vail, CO last month.

For those of you that don’t follow the Wild to closely, James Sheppard, um… how do I say this nicely? Sucks. Sucks hard. He’s a former first round draft pick that Jacques Lemaire and Doug Risebrough foolishly signed to the big club as an 18 year old, destroying his confidence and essentially ruining what could have been a decent career. Now, he will be remembered for his constant deer in headlights look and for a stellar hip-shimmy move to shake a defender behind the net once (Dad, I know you know what I’m talking about).

The Wild surprisingly re-signed him for about $500,000 this season, but believe me when I say that nobody has any expectations for him. Well, except for his continued existence, which he has also somehow managed to fall short of.

(Quick Video Game Sidenote: To mirror the real life passing abilities of players, most video games use the formula that, “the better the player, the more accurate the pass when you push the “pass” button.” i.e. Pierre-Marc Bouchard’s passes almost always hit a player in stride. One of the few regrets I’ve had about giving up video games is the fact that I never had a chance to play as Sheppard. What do you think happens when you push the “pass” button? Does he dump it into the corner? Does he freeze? Does he step on the puck and get injured? Does the PS3 just turn off? There is no way to calibrate via video game just how untalented he is.)

File Under: I Am John Cusack?

Off the sports, back to something that affects me much more personally: girl troubles.

About a month ago, I chatted up this oppressively foxy half-Vietnamese, half-French Canadian girl while she was shopping at The Wedge (that’s right, oppressively, as in, she’s so foxy I’d give up my right to vote). I managed to get her number on my clipboard (a two-fold victory, as I got her number, and was able to show it off, thus giving me instant lady killer cred among my coworkers), and gave her a call a couple days later.

We went out for drinks a couple of times, got caught in a rainstorm together, & had a couple of lovely legitimate dates. We went to Music & Movie night in Loring Park (we saw Juno, thus killing my aforementioned cred). I went over to her place one night and we made lasagna, drank wine, listened to Louder Than Bombs (on vinyl!) and watched This American Life while snuggling on the couch, which, despite my love of brandy-fueled debauchery, is pretty much my dream night (except Margo wasn’t there. All my dream nights include her presence). Oddly, after that, it just fizzled out. A couple random texts and that was pretty much it. I wasn’t entirely surprised (we both had ex’s visiting from out of town and I was broke, making it more difficult to be assertive), but I was disappointed.

About a week went by and I was left with a few unreturned texts. Under normal circumstances, I’d go Young Jeezy on the situation. However, this girl is pretty damn awesome! She owns the entire Smiths collection on vinyl! Her favorite bar is the CC Club! She likes staying in and watching documentaries! When I went over to cook with her, she noticed I was sick, grated up some ginger and orange peel and filtered it with hot water to make a tea to soothe my throat! I mean, who does that?

So, this week went by, my disappointment grew and I was left with two options:

01. Be Young Jeezy and walk away.

02. Be John Cusack and go for some type of last ditch romantic gesture.

Well, I went for B. I’m not going to get into the specifics of the gesture, just know that it’s nowhere near as grand as holding a boombox to her window, throwing a concert with Jack Black singing Marvin Gaye songs, or even whatever the fuck he did to get that girl in Serendipty. My gesture was much more practical. Much more Midwestern. I’ll let you know how this shakes out next week.

File Under: Poverty Line

Yeah, that's my fridge. Two tubs of Earth Balance, mustard, half a brick of tofu, naan bread, pitas, coffee, creamer, two bags of nutritional yeast and three sweet, sweet Tall Boys. It's important to appreciate the things you've got.

Headline Of The Week: (From ESPN.com) “NHL: Ex-NHL Coach Burns On Death Reports: “I’m Alive.”

Quote Of The Week (tie):

“I’ve thought about taking flying lessons. I mean, anyone can take ‘em. Well, not if you have a DUI.” – Mike Otto

“Roberto Luongo stepped down as captain of the Vancouver Canucks. Now who will step forward and accept the Stanley Cup for the Canucks? Oh right! Nobody!” – Tim Droogsma

(That’s right, four Canucks shots in the first C & O! Hockey season hasn’t even started yet!)

Flatbasset-September '10

2010-09-14T20:07:00.034-04:00

Everybody! What is up! Sorry I haven't been around for a minute. My beloved laptop Bandit bit the dust a few months back and I had to have an appropriate period of mourning. We had a hell of a run. I lost all kinds of stuff when she went down. Bad times.

However, I'm back and I'm ready to help you cope with yet another looming winter. Special thanks to my sister Erin for hooking me up with a "new" laptop. You better believe Spiekerboxx and I will be doing big things all winter. To all you motherfuckers in the blogosphere, I'm saying "fuck you" loud and clear...

So here's the new mix. In case you're new to the game, click the link. It'll take you to a Megaupload that is filled with distractions. You don't have to register for anything, just type the stupid little letter-number combo into the upper right hand dialog box and you'll be on that Flatbasset mix before you know it.

Flatbasset-September '10

Time for some track by track. Couple of disclaimers though. First, August/September was a very tough time for me. That inevitably colored the tracks I chose for this playlist. Second, I wrote this track by track after 2 Brandy Gingers, 2 Summits, & 3 Tall Boys. Believe it or not, this colored the writing. Just roll with it.

01. Lupe Fiasco - Go Go Gadget Flow

So I finally got around to downloading Lupe Fiasco’s second album The Cool despite the fact that Food & Liquor, his first album, remains in my top 10 all-time hip-hop albums. It’s a little longer than is necessary, but Lupe still kills it. This is the first real song on the album and the chorus is, “I’m from a city in the Midwest, best city in the whole wide, wide world.” You know I have no love for Madison (it’s arguably negative love, or, as we call it in my circle, hater vision), I do live in a city in the Midwest.

This brings me to an interesting point that was first presented to me in Chuck Klosterman’s Killing Yourself To Live. Klosterman relates a story about driving around listening to The Replacements and breaking down into tears. He broke down not because of anything Paul Westerberg was singing, but because one of his best friends adored The Mats and had recently died from cancer. His point was that all art, no matter the format, is always drawn back to the consumer’s experience, what they want to take from it, rather than what the artist is trying to present (which is inevitably colored by their own experiences as well). It seems like an obvious point, but I had never put it right before me and it made perfect sense.

For further insight into this point, please listen to Wilco’s “What Light.”

02. Wavves – King Of The Beach

This one was tied for my favorite Current Song Of The Day this month. Honestly, I’m not the biggest fan of the whole Wavves laid back, beach dwelling, stoner vibe (mainly because I don’t smoke weed and I hate being outdoors). Plus, the drama surrounding this group is a little nauseating.

However, this single, which, from what I hear is indicative of the whole album, is pretty killer. Gone is the fuzzed-out guitar, drums, vocals combo from their breakout album. Supposedly this one is a much more fully realized, full-band effort (and this single backs that up). Plus, after the month I’ve had, a chorus of, “You’re neeeeverr gonna stop me, no, you’re neeeever gonna stop me,” really struck a, “hey, fuck it” chord with me. See, it’s all the consumers point of view.

03. Hepcat – Can’t Wait

I put this one on as a throwback. That’s right, third-wave ska. I was there. I’m old and I love it.

Also, much like I mentioned before, my attitude for this month could be expressed in a chorus of, “Baby, if I cause you pain, why don’t you go his way.”

04. Nas – The World Is Yours

As a teenager looking for ways to rebel, West Coast hip-hop was where it was at. Snoop, Dre, Ice Cube… That shit killed. Plus, it was catchy, easily digestible, and full of parent-upsetting obscenities. As I get older and start digging deeper and deeper into hip-hop, I’ve developed a real appreciation for the East Coast sound. While the thug talk holds little appeal to me, the crackling vinyl, the spoken sung chorus, and lyrics that actually sound like reality (rather than gangster-parody. Hi, Tupac.), tend to strike closer to the indie hip-hop that re-kindled my love for the genre years ago.

This track is my favorite off of Nas’ debut Illmatic, an album so good that even former arch-nemesis Jay-Z wouldn’t dare attack. Plus, it sounds great rolling down 94 on payday (“Who’s world is this? The world is yours”).

(Minnesota Sidenote: In the opening track off of P.O.S.’s Never Better he drops the line, “Their out for presidents to represent them, you really think a president can represent you?” This is the track he’s referencing with that line. Step ya game up, Obama defenders.)

(Personal Sidenote: I wanted to put this one on the list because Nas is from Queens and, as far as I can tell, I’m the only person in MPLS who will go hard for Queens. Hate if you want, but that’s my second home.)

05. Babyshambles – There She Goes

There are many better, catchier songs on Babyshambles Shotter’s Nation album that I could have put on here, but I just couldn’t get over the line, “How could I let go, since I caught a glimpse of you in your white plimsolls, twisting and turning to Northern Soul?” Yeah, I’m the whitest person who ever lived.

06. Fort Wilson Riot – All My Friends

My favorite Minnesota Current Song Of The Day for the month.

Fort Wilson Riot turned up on the Twin Cities scene a few years back as something like a 12-piece performance art, indie-pop group. Needless to say, that was a little much for me to digest (although “An Imagined Civil State” was a pretty killer single).

Since then, they’ve returned as merely a two-piece. This is the lead single off of their home-recorded second album and I think it’s pretty stellar. Again, this has much to do with the mood I was in this month. A song about missing all of your friends hit a little close to home.

(Pet Peeve Sidenote: I hate people who say things like, “Respect and love.” At least they wrapped it in a hook.)

07. Murs – Asian Girl (w/9thmatic)

HaHa! Yeah, that just happened. Step ya noodle game up!

08. Ash – Punk Boy

When I was back in Red Wing collecting CD’s from my parents’ house a few months back I picked up nearly all of my Ash collection (their first four records). Since then I’ve been on a bit of a kick. Even though their later albums are better, with catchier chorus’s and more mature songwriting, their first two albums (1977 & Trailer) will always make me feel like I’m 16 years old again (Sidenote to Sarah Elise: Act like you don’t know). While they achieved plenty of popularity in Europe, they never got their due in America. Perhaps that’s because most people here have no idea what a line like, “Who’s that boy with the ocean green eyes in Rough Trade every Saturday?” means. Even pushing 30, I wish I could hang out at Rough Trade every Saturday.

09. Dark Time Sunshine – It Lives

I downloaded Dark Time Sunshine’s Believeyoume EP from the Strange Famous Records website for free a couple of weeks ago. I couldn’t believe what I was listening to! It’s like a mix of El-P & Sims. I was even more surprised when I dug a little deeper and found out that it was two Scottish dudes. Ladies and gentleman, the future of hip-hop is wide open.

10. Mystery Jets – Dreaming Of Another World

Tied for my favorite Current Song Of The Day (see Wavves above). I know I went a little hard on the British bands this month, but that’s the mood I was in.

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like hooks like this just aren’t coming from American bands these days. Or maybe they just don’t sound as great without that accent. Ah well, killer single.

11. Passion Pit – The Reeling

Maybe you remember months ago when I was counting down my Top 250 Songs Of The Decade and I put Radiohead’s, “2 + 2 = 5” in the top 20. If you don’t, here was my line of reasoning. It’s not my favorite Radiohead song of the last decade (they did put out, “All I Need,” after all), but it was my favorite because it was Phil’s favorite. And every time we listened to it he would do his best Thom Yorke impression. Now I can’t listen to it without picturing him performing this ridiculous ritual, and really, that’s what music is about, capturing a place and time.

That was my reasoning for putting “The Reeling” on the playlist this month. I’ve always thought it was a pretty good song (and I dance hard to this shit in my milk cooler), but after hanging out with my dude Mike all summer and watching him start bobbing around like a drunk every time this song came on the jukebox, it will always hold a special place for me.

12. Soul Position – Keep It Hot For Daddy

Alright, first thing’s first, how great is this RJD2 beat? Goddamn! Ohio goin’ hard.

Second, as much as I love Blueprint (and I really do), he can’t always match the quality of the beats RJD2 brings to the table. However, in this one, he absolutely nails the feeling of meeting a great girl for the first time. It’s not easy to walk the line between humour (“I want it so bad I just might player hate, tell these other dudes you got, like, 6 kids”) and honesty (“You thinkin’ ‘bout me? I’m thinkin’ ‘bout us. Yeah, I’m outta pocket, I’m thinkin’ ‘bout love.”). Not easy to do.

13. Gorillaz – Some Kind Of Nature (w/Lou Reed)

I put this one on the playlist before I mentioned it in C & O #2 up above. I don’t even really know what to say. This new Gorillaz album is just soooooo fucking good. I highly suggest everyone track down a copy this afternoon. Damon Albarn has never sounded more comfortable in his own skin (and the Gorillaz skin, for that matter). A track like this sincerely makes me hope that 20 years from now Damon Albarn is guesting on some young punk’s new album. Mark my words, within 20 years we’ll be talking about Damon Albarn in the same breath that we talk about David Byrne, Morrissey, and Lou Reed.

14. Buzzcocks – Promises

Alright, story time…

One of the things that was crazy about this month was the fact that my ex was back in town from NYC. Now, obviously, this would be difficult even if everything went according to plan. It was a very serious relationship and those things are always tough to revisit (especially when you know the situation is only a week long).

But first, let me go back even further, to the first time she visited after I moved back to MPLS. We spent nearly every day of the week together and it was just like old times. We went shopping, walked around Uptown, took Basset to St. Paul and let her run around, and basically spent a week acting like we were still together (despite the fact that we both knew that this was not a healthy approach). Well, her last night in town we went out and had a few drinks and came back to my place. Um, hmmm…, you know where that’s going. What was tough was that, the next day, she told me something along the lines.of, “Listen, that was really nice. I promise, whenever you need something like this, or need me in general, I’m going to be there.”

Now, in the interest of fairness and not completely upsetting her, she has been there every time I’m in a bad place and need someone to talk to. Every time. And I know she’ll be there next time. For this, she will always have my love.

Back to the semi-current. When she came back this time, I had mentally prepared myself to spend another week with her. I couldn’t have been more excited to see her and have another week that we could call, “ours,” y’know, separate from her life in NYC and mine in MPLS. Well, when she got back, we hung out at my place, played with Margaret Basset, and had a few beers and, honestly, it was the best night I’ve had in months. However, when I pushed for us to go out and have a night, it didn’t quite play out like that. She explained that she couldn’t come out with me because she has a man back in NYC and that if she went out and had drinks with me it would lead to “trouble.” Well, of course it would. That was the point.

Now, while I completely understand and respect her relationship in NYC, I was in the midst of a tough time (remember those 35W bridges?) and had really been counting on a week where I could put my troubles to the side. Obviously, this was an incredibly unhealthy approach and a bad decision (Of course, I’m so far removed I don’t even remember what, “good decisions” feel like anymore). The lesson, as always: I’m just not very bright.

Back to the real current. When I was putting this playlist, I was still coping with the sting of this rejection. Hence, a song with a chorus of, “How could you ever let me down? These promises were made for us,” hit me a little close to home. I don’t regret putting it on there, as that’s how I was feeling at the time, but I hope it’s existence on the playlist, and this summary, don’t make her hate me forever.

15. Kid Cudi – Erase Me (w/Kanye West)

If you follow the playlist, you know I’m a junkie for a good hook. And this hook is as big as it gets. I mean, just listen to those drums! I love Kid Cudi regardless, but if he wants to go for a more “pop” sound, I’ll defend it to the end.

Also, you know I can’t make these playlists with a Kanye appearance. Yeah, it’s a problem.

(Personal Sidenote: See above. Still a bit bitter. Perhaps someday I’ll be in magazines & on TV and you won’t be able to escape me.)

16. Arcade Fire – Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)

Even though it’s been two months, I still don’t know what to make of the new Arcade Fire album. It seems really good, but whenever I listen to it, it all just kinda bleeds together. Of course, I thought the same thing about Neon Bible when it came out. This one caught my ear right away though, as it’s one of the few Arcade Fire songs I feel like I could dance to. Plus, who can’t relate to lyrics like, “I need the darkness, would you please cut the lights?” Perhaps that relates to my story above too.

Flatbasset - June '10

2010-06-08T21:52:00.006-04:00

Alright, sorry I'm late yet again. It's been a very peculiar month. Let me give you the broad strokes.

It all started out very well with Minnesota's 152nd down at the Triple Rock. Drinking, dancing, friends I hadn't seen in a minute, a couple of new friends made... Good times all around.

Then I took a night and made my way down to Red Wing. Got to see some people who I genuinely love. Picked up a box of records that were lost in the great Squawk Box collapse of '09. Again, good times.

Things took a turn for the worse after that. On two seperate occasions at First Ave. I managed to burn the bridges of two of my five longest friendships. I'm not even sure burn is a strong enough word. I absolutely 35-W'd them. I'm surprised MNDOT didn't turn up. Drank a bit, said and did some things I shouldn't have (I still have no good stories that start with, "We were drinking gin..."). I've always prided myself on living a life without regrets. Not so much anymore. If either of you ends up reading this, I'm sorry. I suck. Hopefully we'll get to talk about it at some point.

Sidenote: It would happen at First Ave. That was one of the few places left that made me feel like an innocent 15 year old every time I stopped by. I haven't been back, but I doubt it will still feel that way.

As a way of trying to cope with those nights I threw myself into work. Today (the 8th) is my first day off after 11 straight days working. I managed to clock 97 working hours into those days plus 8 hours rolling in my Blueberry Taurus. Gotta get my money right for Phil's return to the Twin Cities. Thankfully, that bridge is indestructible.

In the middle of all this, Ms. Basset developed a disgusting ear infection that caused all that gross brown stuff that builds up in her ear to come spewin out and stick to the fur around her ear. The ear was raw, so I couldn't clean it without her whimpering. This on top of dealing with the heat in my apartment. She was hot and lethargic for a few weeks (see, pets do resemble their owners). Fortunately I got her to the vet, shoved pills down her throat for a week, and now she's as lovey and energetic as ever.

Anyway, I used this day off to throw this mix together. Enjoy!

Flatbasset - June '10

Hey, track list and individual mp3 time.

01. Wale - Triumph

I downloaded Wale’s Attention Deficit on a whim. You all know that my love of hip-hop is rooted in indie stuff, but in the last 5 years, the line between “indie” and “mainstream” has been blurred to the point that Interscope would sign an artist like Wale. I seriously rocked this album all summer. It’s introspective enough that it’s not quite commercial, but funny and danceable enough that I can still, well, laugh and dance to it. And roll down 94 feeling like a millionaire.

Sidenote I: I have no love for the Michael Vick line in this song. However, the Kirby Puckett line makes up for it.

Sidenote II: Does this beat sound vaguely familiar? It should. It was made by Dave Sitek. Yeah, that Dave Sitek. He produced a couple of the beats on Attention Deficit. While the rest of TV On The Radio is busy making pointless solo albums and nearly unwatchable movies, Dave Sitek is balling hard.

02. Superdrag - The Staggering Genius

This one is one of the tracks that I found when I went home and grabbed a box of my old CD’s to load onto Squawk Box a couple month’s back. I have always loved Superdrag. Like always. I actually remember hearing “Sucked Out” on The Edge years ago and being late for work because I had to sit and wait through a few more songs (most likely Tonic, Alice In Chains, & Folk Implosion) just to find out who it was. You all know me, I am a sucker for a good hook and Superdrag made a living off them. Well, tried to make a living of them.

03. T. Rex - Life's A Gas

For some reason, after the bridge burning mentioned earlier, I was listening to T. Rex’s Electric Warrior album (not that I need to justify listening to T. Rex, just trying to give you some context). I got to this song and was struck by Bolan’s “coulda, coulda, it really doesn’t matter at all, life’s a gas…” life theory. When you know you’ve fucked up, this song can be quite the medicine.

04. Hard-Fi - Hard To Beat

Another lost album that I tracked down, I was afraid that Hard-Fi’s Stars Of CCTV wouldn’t be as good as I remembered it. You know how these buzzy British bands can be. However, I popped it in and it was even better than I remembered. “Hard To Beat” especially, is sounds better than ever. Perfectly dancy summer single about drinking, dancing, and lusting after the girls you’re drinking and dancing with. This song is dying for a dancefloor remix.

05. A.R.M - Fear Of The Mundane (w/Slug)

A.R.M. is made up of Krukid, Budo, & M.Anifest. This song’s beat is a killer, but the message of it really spoke to me. Obviously, my routine is much closer to the “ordinary life” than that of independent rappers, but who isn’t afraid of that “white picket fence, kids, & a wife.” Hmmm…

06. Blur - Fool's Day

I was torn between putting this song of something from the new Gorillaz album on this mix, since they turned up right around the same time. However, this is the first new Blur track in 8 years! The full lineup! Sadly, the reunion seems to have come and gone without anything else being recorded and no American shows played. Still, all it takes is two minutes to remind us all how perfect Graham Coxon and Damon Albarn are for each other. Who knows if there’s another reunion in the future, but, c’mon guys! A reunited Blur or a reunited Smiths are the only two things that could ever get me to slog out to Coachella or the Pitchfork festival. I don’t actually want The Smiths to reunite, so please, lads, force me to drive to the desert.

07. Kudzu Wish - Re: Assassins

I discovered Kudzu wish back in 2002 while killing time driving around St. Paul waiting for The White Stripes show at Roy Wilkins to start and calling everybody I could think of to see if they wanted to use my extra ticket. I used to kill a lot of time in St. Paul at the old Eclipse Records store and so I drove over their just to see who was playing. These guys were absolutely tearing that little stage up with just me and four other people watching. I grabbed the record and chatted with them momentarily. I remember telling one guy that I was heading to The White Stripes show and he seemed jealous. As a young punk kid who assumed that all punks hated all things non-punk, this was a bit of an eye-opener. You mean I can like punk rock and indie rock and that’s OK? When you’re a stupid kid (and lord knows I was), these types of moments can be very influential.

08. Kanye West - Hey Mama

Natural ending to the last story: Now I’ve swung so far from an aspiring punk kid that I can’t help but put Kanye West on every mix I post. I know, it’s an addiction.

I actually wanted to put this one on May’s mix for Mother’s Day, but May is Minnebasset month, so it made it a month late. This one’s for all the mom’s I know.

For Sarah Bess’s mom for making me feel welcome even though I’m pretty sure she never liked me.

For Steph’s mom for doing the same things, but doing it halfway across the country and on her dime.

For Phil’s mom for knowing all the words to “Shhh…”

For Sarah Elise’s mom for always loving my like her own son even though I would never have blamed her if she didn’t.

For my sister because she’s raising those kids right in Red Wing. She’s two years younger than me and it blows my mind that she could handle that kind of thing.

For my own mom… I don’t even know where to start. Even though I’m absolutely sure I’ve caused her to roll her eyes more than all my siblings combined, she’s always been there when I’ve been in a bad spot. Even when I put myself if these bad spots, she’s always been home when I knocked or on the other end of the phone just to say, “Sorry, honey. It’ll be OK.” I don’t know what else you could want from a mom. Thanks, Mom.

09. Taking Back Sunday - Liar (It Takes One To Know One)

I put this one on here fro two reasons. First, you all know that I can’t resist a good hook and, hate it or love it, this song is catchy as hell.

Second, this is easily the most stereotypically emo song in the history of emo. It’s simultaneously accusatory (“Liar, if we’re keeping score…”), self accusatory (“I’m an addict for dramatics, I confuse the two for love…”), cryptic (“We’ve got 26 days to work with…”), afraid of adulthood (“How long will this hold, is it any different now that we’re old…”), innocent & guilty (“We’re all choir boys at best, intrusive and arrogant…”) and, y’know, screamy (“Liar!!!!...”). If you had to explain to someone who had never heard music before what “emo” is, this would be the best song to play.

10. Black Francis - Six Legged Man

WTFuck is Black Francis talking about? I dunno, but honestly, who even tries to figure these things out anymore? Just enjoy the ride.

11. The Cribs - Last Year's Snow

Remember a couple of month’s back when I put “We Were Aborted” on a playlist and claimed that it was the only track of the new Cribs album that I liked? Turns out Ignore The Ignorant just needed some time to grow. It’s now my favorite album of 2010 by far (at least until the new Lazerbeak and Kanye albums come out, but it may still win). Johnny Marr’s guitar shivers and sparkles all over this one like it did back in the good old days. Not only that, but the Jarmans'manage to put together some startlingly mature lyrics. “Confusion, I’ll greet like an old friend…” That’s been the theme of my 2010.

Colloquial sidenote: “I want to think you won’t remember me like last year’s snow.” Apparently in Wakefield, England, this means you’re afraid you won’t be remembered at all. In Sota, I took this line to mean that I’d like to not be remembered like last year’s snow because we always remember last winter as worse than it was. I’d rather not be remembered as a worse person than I actually am. Not sure if that makes sense or not. It does in my head.

12. The Hold Steady - Barely Breathing

I haven’t quite figured out what to make of the new Hold Steady album yet. It’s easily their most “classic rock” sounding album yet, with even fewer of the left turns that made the first four albums so much fun. Also, for a band that has spent album after album building up a bizarre narrative of drugs, alcohol, sex, & murder, only a quarter of the tracks on this album concern said narrative. Unraveling that story has been half the fun. Not that the songs are bad, but waiting two plus years for more clues and only getting a handful of them is a little discouraging.

Personal Sidenote: My friends and I made a night of their show on the 4^th of July at First Avenue. It was four of us who absolutely love this band and, this being a homecoming show, we were really looking forward to getting stupid and singing along with all the Minnesota references. For whatever reason, they avoided playing all the songs that are too Minny-Centric. No “Southtown Girls,” no “Hot Soft Light,” no “Little Hoodrat Friend…,” etc… This was on the heels of Tad Kubler’s quotes that THS is, “not a Minnesota band.” Guys, we want to love you! Just throw us a bone! No one’s questioning your status as pseudo party boy, indie darling, cred-craving, cliche Brooklyn-based fucksticks (trust me, it’s no secret). However, telling us that Minneapolis will always feel like home isn’t going to mean you’re gonna wake up with James Murphy’s number deleted from your iPhone. We don’t ask for much.

13. Swollen Members - Go To Sleep

My man Jesse burned a copy of Swollen Member’s Black Magic album. It’s a very good album, but not unlike a lot of indie rap posse albums, it’s just too damn long. I had to go 16 songs into the 21 song album to find the best track. Posse’s, listen, find an editor. I know you’ve all got hot verses to get out. Believe me, we want to hear them, but putting out an album over 15 tracks long is just too much to digest. No matter how good the songs are, they’ll just blend together unless you’re a superfan.

14. Alkaline Trio - Old School Reasons

Every 18 months or so I go on a serious Alkaline Trio kick. Unlike so many of the punk bands I liked when I was younger, when I sing along to their records, I never have this sense that I should’ve grow out of them (as opposed to the way I’ll only sing along to The Get Up Kids if the road is empty).

Dancing Sidenote: When I’m dancing in my dairy cooler it’s almost always to hip hop or some dancy indie stuff (Passion Pit, Daft Punk, etc…). However, I got busted twice in the same day dancing to the Alkaline Trio back there. For whatever reason, Alkaline Trio makes me want to dance. It’s quite possible that I’m the whitest person that ever lived.

15. Sage Francis - Best Of Times

“It was beautiful

It was brutal

It was cruel

It was business as usual…”

Flatbasset-Minnebasset (Part III)

2010-05-11T14:04:00.005-04:00

Happy damn birthday Minnesota! 152 years of putting sucka states in second place! To celebrate, let's all enjoy Minnesota's typically schizophrenic weather and turn up Minnebasset as loud as it will go.

Flatbasset - Minnebasset (Part III)

01. BK-One - Gititit (w/Slug & Brother Ali)

I’ve already put two other songs from Rádio Do Canibal on the mix (“Mega” & “Call To Arms”), but I’d been sitting on this one for months, just waiting to use it to open Minnebasset.
After When Life Gives You Lemons & Us, it’s nice to hear Slug & Ali rapping just to rap and brag. No story telling here.

Sidenote: We ‘bout to push you angels in the snow! Y’know, in a few months.

02. The Invincible Kids - Rug Burns

A Current song from a few year’s back. I haven’t heard anything else by these guys. Hell, they don’t even have a picture on their Last.fm page. Still they manage to throw a couple of stellar hooks into this one. And you know me, I’m a sucker for a good hook. I’ve listened to this song dozens of times and dance a little bit everytime. In the car, in my dairy cooler, on my futon right now…

Sidenote: If you ever stop at The Wedge and need a good laugh, take a peek past the milk in that cooler. You’ll usually see me going off to something as I put milk on the shelves. Thank god no one ever looks past the dates on the cartons.

03. Dillinger Four - Portrait Of The Artist As A Fucking Asshole

The older I get the more I love D4. For all the punk bands I grew out of, I’m not sure why they’ve endured. You better believe that they’ll have a spot on every Minnebasset mix I ever make.

04. Mike Swoop - Where Do We Go? (w/Kavorkian & Allpurpose)

As I mentioned a few months, Mike Swoop’s New Love albums is almost entirely instrumental. For this track, however, he hooked up with the two MC’s he used to DJ for and they put together a great jam. That chorus will bounce around your head for days.

05. We Are The Willows - A Funeral Dressed As A Birthday

This song was a real grower. I didn’t like it the first couple of times I heard it I didn’t care for it at all. However, my Song Of The Day routine meant that I was going to keep listening to it and eventually the atmospherics and time changes found their way into my brain. The, “Come back to us, in Minneapolis!” line didn’t hurt either. Kinda brought the whole track back home.

06. The 757’s - Atrophy

That’s not a typo. I realize the chorus is about “a trophy,” but hell, I didn’t name the tune. If anything, that stupid little joke contributes to the songs similarity to those old Replacements songs that are clearly this songs forefathers. I love this one because it just sounds so Midwestern. Lines like, “I don’t know about anybody else, everyone’s a little screwed up,” and, “There’s a trophy for everyone, everyone’s a winner” typify the passive aggressiveness and jadedness that comes with too many long winters and always being just a step behind the times.

07. Yoni - Get Up (w/Toki Wright & Mike Mictlan)

What is there to say about this one? Three of the great Minnesota rappers going off about how great the Twin Cities are. I mean, how could I not put this song on the mix?

Sidenote: The beat is by Mux Mool, who also appeared on Minnebasset Pt. I. He’s out of NYC and, since I put in some time there too, I’m claiming the authority to adopt him as an honorary Minnesotan. Whattup, Mux!?!

Sidenote II: Who shouts out St. Louis Park? Ah well, nothing but love.

08. Icollide - Les Masquerade (w/Dessa & P.O.S.)

I picked up this record (Distractions) on my birthday in the local section at Extreme Noise. Good find. This is the only hardcore track I’ve ever heard Dessa on and she absolutely kills it. Add in some great guitar work, a killer hook, and some P.O.S. backup screams… Shiiiit…

09. The Pines - Lonesome Tremelo Blues

This song came out in September of ‘09, right after I moved back to MPLS. Let’s just say timing played a big role in my adoration for this song. That, “I’m a stranger here, I’m a stranger everywhere…” line haunted me for months until I started making some friends back here.
Sidenote: I work with both of the guys in The Pines and they couldn’t be nicer people. I highly suggest you catch one of their shows if you get the chance.

10. Har Mar Superstar - Brand New Day

I put this one on as an olive branch for anyone out of state who might catch the mix. I’m sorry your city can’t touch the quality of music coming out of Sota. It’s probably not your fault. But just so you know, we’ve got love, sweet love, for your cities too.

11. Colder In Moscow - It’s Graphite

I’ve seen these guys a couple of times and, while they’re a good band, they’re just trying so damn hard. They’re a great example of the music that’s coming out of MPLS right now. In the old days, this was a sloppy rock n roll town. These days, the guitars are still there, but it’s becoming an art rock town. Nothing against art rock (I do own 5 Minus The Bear records), but if I saw a Colder In Moscow flyer that promised that everyone in the band was going to do three shots of Jameson before the show started, I wouldn’t miss it. I’d bet you $10 American it would be their best show ever.

12. Dessa - Alibi

Speaking of growers… Remember a couple months back when I put Dessa on a mix and said I was still digesting the album? Well, it’s digested. And it’s genius. It’s easily the second best album to come out of the Doomtree camp (nothing will ever top Never Better. Nothing. Don’t even try.). That’s high praise when you think about how much I love everything that’s come out under the Wings & Teeth banner.

Sidenote: Dessa is still my neighbor although she’s moving soon. I’m not sure what rapper Margo’s going to start trying to sniff. I’m betting on… Toki Wright.

13. Passions - Go On MPLS

“Been a little different now that we’re apart, but the city always mends my heart…”

Amen.

14. Trampled By Turtles - Wait So Long

I love the strings in this song. I would put Trampled By Turtles against any other bluegrass band on earth. If I was Duluth's mayor (and god willing, someday I will be) I’d write “Home Of The Best Bluegrass In The World” under the “Welcome To Duluth” sign. Then I’d start putting on bluegrass festivals with TBT headlining every year (like Soundset w/Banjos) and stake a tourism claim for anyone with a banjo and a car.

15. Cenospecies - Local Anesthetic

What I really love about the lone Cenospecies record is the way it fills in the P.O.S. story for us just the way you’d hope it would. No cornball dancebeats. No bullshit gun talk. The beats are still punkified. The rhymes are still pissed off and complicated.

Sidenote: “Livin’ in the city, Minne-frigid-fuck, maybe they’ll get it when they leave the city limits”

16. Crossing Guards - Pretty Little Problem

Last time I put Crossing Guards on a mix I praised Martin Devaney for continuing the beer drinking, rock n rolling, girl lamenting tradition of The Replacements. He nearly crosses the line on this one. I mean, Westy did have a song called “My Little Problem” with the chorus “Don’t you wanna be my little problem?” Ah well, if you’re gonna steal you may as well steal from the best.

17. The Plastic Constellations - Beats Like You Stole Something

TPC falls under the same category as D4. Their records only sound more unique as time passes. As long as I’m doing this, TPC has a place, mothafucka. Cop a feel or two.

18. Träma - Southside Pride -(w/Freez)

I’ll bet you didn’t think I could get a Kanye beat onto the Minnebasset mix, did ya? Let this be a lesson to ya, I don’t play with these mixes.

I went to Träma’s mixtape release show at Fifth Element a few weeks back and only about 12 people showed up. Now, I know Träma’s not the best rapper in the Twin Cities. He’s probably not even Top 10, but step ya local game up kids! This city is known for supporting its own. The stories find their way into verses from Slug, Ali, DTR, Kanser, BQ… You name it. I know I’m old and crotchety, but you damn kids need to learn that there’s more to TC hip-hop than Rhymesayers. Also, stay off my lawn.

19. The Soviettes - #1 Is Number Two

I’m still pissed off that I missed The Soviettes reunion show over at the Turf Club. How about you just get back together? Play all the time? Hell, you’ve only gotten bigger since you broke up…

20. Mike Mictlan & Lazerbeak - Prizefight

The ultimate, “I’m feeling down and need a song to pick me up,” song. Mike and Beak kill it. I’ve completely adopted this song as my Minnesota anthem. I would never give it up.

Sidenote: I know Mike a little bit now from him working at The Wedge. He’s a good dude. He quit a couple of weeks back and I told him he shouldn’t have. I mean, steady paychecks aren’t easy to get. Here’s what he told me.
“It depends. I mean, do you want a new Mike Mictlan album this year or not?”
Keeping his eye on the prize. Good luck.

Flatbasset-April '10

2010-04-13T16:25:00.004-04:00

The warm weather put me in a good mood, so I filled this one full of summer jams. This one sounds best coming out of car stereo speakers as you go 'bout 75 down 94. Trust me.

So, hypothetically speaking, if you don't drive, you should probably put this one on your iPod, get your significant other to drive somewhere very fast, turn off MPR (you know it doesn't bump like Flatbasset bumps), roll down the windows and enjoy. Y'know, hypothetically...

Flatbasset-April '10

01. Murs - The Intro

Like I said before, when I put this one together I was aiming for summer jams. Nothing sounds so good hopping in your car on a hot day, paycheck in hand, and rolling as Murs & 9th Wonder on this jam.

I’ve said it before, Murs is like audio prozac. Perhaps I’m naïve, but I’m always reassured by the fact that Murs is doing what he loves and that’s enough. Dude’s not rich, but he makes enough to get by. I can relate to that.

02. Los Campesinos! - Romance Is Boring

Every tune I hear by Los Campesinos! Makes me like them more. They’re really onto something here. I mean, romance is boring! I’ve been there. I’ve seen it. This year of being single has, for better or worse, been anything but boring. Not sure why I didn’t try this sooner.

03. Yeasayer - O.N.E.

This was one of The Current’s Songs Of The Day a while back and it was so good that I tracked down the whole album. I realize that copping this 80’s pose quit being cool in ‘06 or ‘07, but Odd Blood is the best 80’s impression I’ve heard yet. See “Madder Red” for more evidence.

04. Bloc Party - Luno (Bloc Party Vs. Death From Above 1979)

I really like Bloc Party, but sometimes it seems like they’re much more concerned with studio experimentation and dance beats than they are with being a fucking great band. Thank god DFA showed up to remind them how to be a rock n roll band.

05. David Bazan - Bless This Mess

David Bazan is the man behind the late, great Pedro The Lion, a band that started off espousing Bazan’s religious beliefs and morphed into a vehicle for him to question not only those beliefs, but the events that led to him questioning them in the first place. Following the catalog from beginning to end is a quite rewarding experience.

This one was also a Current song. Sounds like his solo career is going to keep this bizarre trajectory going. “God bless the man who stumbles, god bless the man who falls, & god bless the man who yields to temptation…” Translation: We all got problems. Amen.

06. Aesop Rock - Zodiaccupuncture

This song is off the Fast Cars, Danger, Fire & Knives EP, which is hands down my favorite record Aesop Rock has ever put up. I’ve seen this happen with artists before and I’ve developed a loose theory. After an artist puts together a whole album there is a sense of satisfaction and a fear of complacency. However, y’know, they just put out a whole record, which is exhausting. Enter the EP format. Couple that with a fear or repeating yourself yet being afraid to dive into something headfirst (as I’m sure you have to do with a full album) and you end up with something like this. Aesop trying (and thoroughly succeeding) to hit a new flow and a new lyrical themes without the burden of really having to fit them into a bigger picture.

Sidenote: Get bit by the hounds!

07. Pavement - Embassy Row

With Pavement on the road again and a greatest hits album finally on the market, I couldn’t resist the temptation to dig out my Pavement albums. If you’ve been listening to these mixes, you know that I’m a much bigger sucker for good hooks than instrumental noodling, and for that reason Pavement’s never cracked by Top 20 favorite artists. They may not even crack top 30. Still, when they decide to write a hook, it’s usually a gem. When they decide to use that hook to talk shit about the music industry, they sound like they were predicting the future.

08. Amadou & Mariam - Sabali (Paul Epworth Remix)

Even though I spent most of my time out east listening to Why?, DOOM, & P.O.S., for whatever reason, this song reminds me of that summer in New York better than anything else. I have no idea what it’s about or what the original version sounds like. I know that for the next 50 years every time I hear it it’ll take me write back to walking up Fresh Pond road to work in the middle of a sticky New York summer. Isn’t that really the best case scenario for any piece of music you own?

09. Franz Ferdinand - Twilight Omens

It seems as though Franz Ferdinand is going to go down as one of the bands that saved radio from teen pop & hard rock (along with The White Stripes, The Hives, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Strokes, and, since I’m feeling generous, Interpol). That’s really a shame. Everything they’ve put out since that breakthrough album has been better than the last. They’re stylish suits & glorification of being a conflicted ladie’s man about town deserves a bigger piece of history.

10. Outkast - I’ll Call Before I Come

That’s right, ladies, vegans are generous, thorough, freaky lovers. You didn’t know?

11. Matt Pond PA - Our Braided Lives

God knows why, but I was feeling especially romantic one day and was struck by the metaphor in this one. The idea of “braided lives” really appealed to me. At least, it did for about 6 hours while I was putting this mix together.

12. Beck - Mixed Bizness

I wish Har Mar Superstar had a Last.fm account just so we could see how many times he’s listened to Midnite Vultures.

13. Arctic Monkeys - Cornerstone

I’ve been a fan of Arctic Monkeys since the days of internet buzz, yet for some reason I waited a whole year before tracking down Humbug. Part of this was due to the fact that it was produced by Queens Of The Stone Age’s Josh Homme. This was a bad decision. The whole album has the hazy sound of a QOTSA album. For a band that made it’s named off buzzsaw guitars and sharp hooks (remember, “I Bet You Look Good…?”), this is not a good fit. Except on this one, where the hook is unstoppable and the backward sounding guitar solo perfectly fit’s the lyrical theme of being confused in the bar and thinking you recognize some girl and asking her a question that’s completely uncouth. Well played, Homme.

14. Kid Cudi - Pursuit Of Happiness (Nightmare) (w/MGMT & Ratatat)

Every 6 or 8 weeks I have what we’ll call a “bad night.” Life piles up, bills pile up, no one’s calling, whatever… It’s just bad. I usually try to solve these problems by hitting the reset button, aka drinking brandy until I don’t care anymore and waking up much less concerned with those problems and much more concerned with fun new problems like “Why did I sleep in my shoes?” On those nights, this song ALWAYS makes an appearance on Squawk Box. Man, everything that shines ain’t always gold. Believe that.

15. One For The Team - Best Supporting Actress

A peculiar case of a band writing a response song to one of it’s own songs, in this case the classic “Best Supporting Actor,” a brilliant portrait of a resentful boyfriend. If my memory serves, One For The Team is made up of guys and girls and I would think this had something to do with the creation of this song. Or not. What do I know?

16. Mac Lethal - Sunstorm

As I’ve mentioned probably a dozen times, I LOVE hometown pride songs. I had to give this one to Mac Lethal. I mean, it must be tough to rep Kansas City, right? He makes it sound like a bigger version of Red Wing. I do love that the couplet, “I’ve been to bigger cities, they produce bigger frowns, I’ll die right here in this town…” I’m stealing that one for MPLS. Thanks, Mac.

Just A Drop In The Bucket...

2010-03-15T01:15:00.002-04:00

I may not know art, but I know I like donuts, Grain Belt, and Isaac Arvold's Bizarro MPLS.

Oh! Paper Tiger on the beat!